Sharing Skills

I don't excel at many things but I can do a pretty good job at most of them. The age old 'Jane' of all trades, master of none! 

A wise woman once mocked me saying "Of course you have lost interest in it, you have figured out how to do it, so it is no longer a challenge!" I think this really hit the nail on the head. 

I love learning how to do new things. Racking up the skills, feeling that if I needed to I could make most things for myself, without the need of the shops.

I also love sharing these skills, learning from others, teaching others. I have a strong belief in crafts and cooking skills being passed on from one person to another. Usually through shared experiences and communal moments. 


Learning to cook something new while sharing wine or having a bench full of little bottoms, all eager to nut out how to crack that egg without getting shell, or crank the pasta machine and see the spaghetti come out.

Sitting in the sun or around a fire with a pot of good tea and teaching someone how to crochet or read guitar tabs. Sitting side by side and mosaic-ing with someone, continually learning from each others techniques. 

The world is full of teachers and those eager to be taught.

Orlando has asked me to teach him how to knit. I have been waiting for his interest and with me doing quite a lot of knitting of late, I was not surprised at the request.

I have a delicious memory of my Grandmother teaching me to knit. She had a little poem that has stayed with me through many 'non-knitting' decades ready to be recalled as soon as I picked the needles up again. It went:

"In the rabbit hole,

round the tree, 

out the rabbit hole,

and off!"

So Orlando selected his wool, we choose some bigger needles to begin with and set to work. 

He took a movie of my instructions to remind him later if her needed (talk about techno-native generation) He settled himself in the crook of my arm and off we went. Hand in hand to begin and then just that little poem being repeated over and over.

He caught on really fast, seems interested, has come back 4 times in 2 days. I am loving that he is at an age where he can start to comprehend these more complex tasks and his fine motor control is developed enough to achieve what he needs.

Another skill shared in the beauty of a communal experience. One that hopefully Orlando will teach someone else one day.

Pocket Money

Boy, can I tell my kids aren't babies any more when I start being asked about pocket money!

Orlando (nearly 7) said the other day "If I help you with this dish washer, maybe you could give me some pocket money and I could buy this Lego Boat I want from the shops..."

I had a stirring of some very conflicting thoughts and emotions...

I asked him... "How does pocket money work?"

O - "Well I help you with jobs around the house and then you give me some money to buy things that I want to buy."

Me - "Oh that sounds nice... so can I have pocket money for the jobs that I do around the house?"

O - "But you already have money, I only have the money I get from my teeth" (there are a lot falling out at the moment)

This got me thinking... my kids rarely ask for things from the shop. They don't nag, so when they see something really special, I ask them to tell me about why it is so important to them and then I would usually buy it for them. But Orlando hadn't asked me to buy it. He wanted to buy it, with his own money.

This isn't something I wanted to overlook, to me it is an indication that he is wanting to take responsibility for some things, to feel a bit more grown up. 

A few years ago we had agreed to swap money for jobs - he chose 4 jobs that he would do each day and got an agreed amount of money at the end of the week. He would choose things like putting everyone's bed side lamps on at dusk and setting the table etc. It never felt right. I thought he should be doing these things anyway and I felt like I was bribing him with money.

It got me thinking about how we could make this work in an authentic and meaningful way. I like the idea of both the kids being able to have some say in what we buy. To want something enough to save up for it. To get some supported experience in how to use money. 

I went back to my tried and true thought ... "How does it work in the adult world?"

Well I get an allowance from the family budget, as does Nath. The kids don't get one, it is sort of combined with mine, as I usually spend all of mine on them anyway.

We get this allowance whether or not we got our 'jobs' done at home. If the house is messy and the washing un-done, I still get my allowance. I feel conscious of not pulling my weight but I still get it.

This made me think... I am a responsible and considerate member of a family. We work together as a unit. As a respected member of this family, I get an allowance. I also respect the other members of my family enough to participate in the running of the household. 

This could work just as well with the kids. They are also respected members of our family, and thus deserve to have an allowance each week, that they can make decisions about. 

They also need, as respectful and considerate members of this family, to contribute to the running of the house hold. If they don't then we deal with that... as a separate issue, not linked to the money at all. 

This feels SO much better to me, and seems, thus far, to be working. I'll let you know in a year when we've given it a good run!!

6...

I sort of feel numb about the idea that Orlando has just turned 6... really 6 already? Yet at the same time it feels like... only 6... I hardly remember life without him! 


So much growing up has happened in the last few months. Starting Kindergarten has had a lot to do with it, but I think all these new teeth and the idea of '6-ness' has been a factor as well.

Orlando has grown tall, oh so tall. All of his pants are suddenly two sizes too small. This new height seems to be giving him a different view of the world. Attitudes are changing and relationships are deepening. A new self awareness or maybe a new self consciousness has begun. A calm, deep focus has set in. New interests, broader interests, questions and fascination  Huge ambitions, Orlando is set to understand all the world has to offer.

There are new rules about what clothes are okay to wear, how he wants to look and choices about how he is presenting himself to the world. He is thinking deeply about relationships, how they work and how they change. There is a new ability to accept change and a humble way of accepting what is. He is learning new ways to negotiate and testing new boundaries. He is aware of how much focused time he receives from us, and lets us know when we have been too preoccupied "Mum I need us to do something together, just us for a bit"

He is testing himself and pushing his skills, trying new tasks and practicing them until he feels he has got it. He is reading, writing, sewing, jumping, creating, playing, building, exploring, inventing, discovering, watching, laughing and laughing and laughing.

Such love I have for this young man, such love and such fascination. 

Happy Birthday Beautiful Boy....

The Need to be a Superhero

Over a my time teaching Kindergarten children I have always noticed that at around 4-6 years old, boys have a burning desire to be and play games involving superheros. I had always just thought it a normal developmental phase (which it is) but was always surprised that children of this age even had an awareness of some of the characters they were imitating. The movies they were from were FAR beyond the comprehension of a 5 year old. It wasn't until my own son who has never watched any of these shows and knows very little about superheros came home pretending to be Spiderman, Superman, Darth Vader and Darth Maul that I really began to wonder about where this desire came from.

I was quick to express my dislike of these characters. Why were they considered a hero when they beat up the 'baddies'? They were as violent as the 'evil' people were... so what made that okay?

Orlando learnt quickly to not talk to me about them much, and when he did the interest was put onto his peers "I only play it because that's what "A" likes to play....." I knew this was un-true. Even in his play at home, he was fascinated in the world, life and power of these characters.

I started to wonder and question as to why they had such pull over this age group. I sat and listened carefully to the solo game Orlando was playing. The continual dialogue gave me insight into what was important in these characters. I realised it was all about POWER and PHYSICALITY.

The important facts were the super human strength, the ability to fly, jump really high and be strong.

When Orlando was imitating these characters, his chest was puffed out in pride and he felt worthy and very grown up. He was loved by all and he was the most powerful of all.

I thought about this feeling and it is really a feeling that we all enjoy. That sense of importance. 

Physiologically in boys bodies at this time they are getting a new big surge of testosterone. They feel set for the fight. Ready to run, leap, jump and take new risks. They are feeling more grown up and ready for a new challenge. Superheros allow them to be fast, physical and take risks, all while they feel this inner sense of 'goodness', importance and power.


So I now understand the appeal, but still don't feel completely comfortable with the imitation of these mass produced media heroes. Movies that are way too old and always out of reach, with merchandise aimed at children who are not old enough to watch the movie!

So.... what parenting choice do I make here? How do I find a middle ground that assists Orlando to play these games that meet his needs, without the mass produced heroes that I can't stand?

Well we do what we do best and we make our own!

Orlando and I are in the process of designing our own superhero. Orlando is thinking about all of the special powers this hero will have, what funky name we can come up with. We are going to do some drawing and designing and then together we are going to sew a special costume for this superhero.

We are having a lot of fun in the process but I will have to wait until we are completely finished before I introduce you to the new and delicious superhero that has come to live in our house. 

I can tell you though that there is a lot of jumping happening. The higher the better (as capes flow out more when you leap off something high enough for mum to cringe!) 

First Day....

Today was the BIG DAY!! First day of Pre-School for Matilda AND first day of Kindergarten for Orlando. 2 First days on one day!! (3 if we count my first day going to work without children in tow for 5 years!!)

So how did it all go?

Well the weekend ended up with me dealing with my nervousness by being SUPER prepared. I sewed new relaxation time pillows, got new 'school' shirts, named everything, packed bags, practiced needed skills, and talked, talked, talked.


The kids were excited, Ollie about seeing his good friend (and a little nervous about a new place), Tilly excited that "Mummy will go home and I can stay to play" - spoken like a true younger sibling who is ripped out of the classroom each morning at drop off... finally it is her turn.

We woke, got ready, had our first day photos and set off. We were all in good spirits. 

Matilda was dropped off first... Orlando set her up and in we went. She is in his old classroom, so knows the space well. She confidently put her things away and held my hand while we went exploring. she was captivated by the light/dark play and then discovered the clay. She sat down, we all said goodbye and she was busy... great! Easy! 

Now for Big School!

Orlando was wide eyed but keen, we went in, he made eye contact with his teachers, smiled and took a deep breath. In we went, found a locker and looked around. He spotted his good friend and off he went to play. We followed and he looked up and said "Mum I think it is time for you to go..." RIGHT. I've been told! Glad you feel comfortable... off I go!

So all went well. Then a couple of hours later I got this sinking feeling in my stomach... what if Matilda had started to freak out.... realised that we were not coming back for a while and was not happy? I let the fear pass through and got on with my day. Realised that I had been so busy feeling nervous for Orlando's big day, that I hadn't realised I was particularly nervous about my 'baby' going to Pre-School!

Reflections on the day...

Orlando - "Mum it was great! I didn't want to come home and can't wait to go tomorrow. You know when you left... I didn't feel sad at all. I was really happy. Tomorrow I am going to dig to the bottom of the sandpit and see what treasures I can find!"

Matilda - "I did lots of things! I started with Clay and then I did some painting, purple, pink and more purple. I washed some babies, did all the puzzles and played with the wooden people. I didn't eat all of my yummy lunch and I loved waking up from relaxation time."

Me - I felt really proud of the courage and confidence they both had. I didn't recognise Matilda when I got to Pre-School. She looked too grown up. This made me think that during my little freak out in the day, my perception of Tilly grew up... she isn't a baby any more... This is a good thing. She knows it... I just took a while to catch up :)

I find it fascinating to watch and observe their different areas of focus. Orlando has always been focused on the human environment, the teachers, friends etc. Matilda on the other hand is focused on the things she can engage in. What is there for her to investigate? I would be surprised if she gave any of her class mates a second glance! Maybe when she feels like she has explored enough she will look up and see who is around her :)

But we are all feeling positive and now home the kids have gone off and are playing by themselves... GREAT! 

Bring on tomorrow!

An Emotional Ending...

Last week, my Beautiful Boy attend his last, ever day at Pre-School. My prediction was that it was going to be a happy affair, and it was, but I was unprepared for just how emotional it would be...

Orlando has been excitedly telling all that will listen that he was going off to 'Big School' next year. He understood what a significant right of passage this was. He bravely went to his kindergarten orientation. He was excited, nervous and full of anticipation. The morning went reasonably well, but Orlando's perception of  'Big School' seemed to change. Not from anything that had happened there, but by the fact that it all became very real that Pre-School was going to come to an end.

We had a week or two of "I don't want to go to Big School" when I realised what was happening. I asked him ... "Is it that you don't want to go to Big School or is it that you don't want to leave Pre-School?" his answer told all. "I don't want to leave George (best friend going to different school), and I don't want to leave Sam and the teachers, and there wont be the 'big shovel' at school and I didn't see any scooters and ..." the list went on.

Orlando has had 3 very beautiful years at an Independent Pre-School with an amazing philosophy.

I remember 3 years ago, my 'big' boy was ready for his first day at Pre-School. He was so ready for something more than home was offering. He had a stimulating week, but he wanted his own experiences, that he could come home and tell me about. His own friends and to be part of a bigger community.

3 years later, Orlando is deeply ingrained in this community and cherishes every day he spends there. He feels safe, nurtured, stimulated and an important teacher of the 'little' kids. He has great friends, wonderful relationships with the teachers and feels successful because he can 'do' most things there.

We have had a number of chats in the last week about the importance of moving on to new challenges and appreciating the experiences you have had, while being open to new ones. We have stressed the fact that, as you become an 'expert' at something,  and have taught it to someone else it is time to move forward. That goodbyes can be hard, but that is because you heart has lots of love for what you are saying goodbye to.

We asked Orlando to come to a special dinner with us to celebrate his achievement in finishing Pre-School and have been talking with great excitement about the new adventures and possibilities ahead.

His last day came and I could see he was feeling a little internal as we arrived. He happily got involved and went about his day. At pick up time, he collected his bag and hovered a little. I reminded him that this was the time to say goodbye and he ran to each of his teachers and gave them a heartfelt squeeze. He then found his good friend and gave him one of the most open-hearted, loving cuddles I have seen. He was then satisfied, took a deep breath (as if taking it all in for the last time) and was ready to go.

I on the other hand, who had thought I would be cool and calm (these are also my work colleagues and Matilda is coming to Pre-School next year) was a blubbering mess! I was looking at my big boy and seeing what an amazing journey he has been on. How far he has come and what a beautiful and strong foundation he has had to build his future educational experiences from.

I am so greatful and thankful to his Pre-School for taking my baby and giving me back a thoughtful, inquisitive and adventrous boy.

3 Years Old!

Last week my little Lady turned 3. She has been practicing being 3 for a while and for the past 6 weeks she has been waking up as asking "Is it my Birthday yet?" so to say it was an anticipated birthday would be an understatement!


We struggled to think of what to buy her for her birthday. We already have a wealth of toys and have many '3 year old' toys from when Orlando was 3. We have also just spent 8 weeks on the road with very few toys and have been more than happy. So I was stuck with the consumerism dilemma. Do we buy things for the sake of it? 

We decided to invest in just a few really nice things that were open ended enough to satisfy her for a number of years. She adores Fairies, so we went with a beautiful felt playscape and some needle-felted fairies. Orlando choose a felted mermaid and an apple 'house' with hedgehogs inside. So among a few other books, shoes, puzzle etc it was a very 'felty' birthday!

She adored it, so we were rather happy about that :)




Now that Matilda is 3 we have noticed she:
- Is toilet trained - day and night
- Is rather chatty and enjoys re-telling events and stories
- Is practicing 'reading' her favourite books to anyone who will listen and then demanding them read to her in return
- Is demonstrating her ever growing Independence - I want to brush my own hair, teeth, etc
- Gets herself dressed most of the time
- Is VERY social and really focuses on her 'friends'
- Is very eager to label people that are and are not her friends
- Enjoys a feeling of power and will seek it where possible
- Can easily establish who is going to be more lenient toward her every whim
- Knows how to push her brothers buttons perfectly
- Is kind and developing a deep sense of empathy
- Asks questions about the world and is keen to understand how it works
- Loves drawing and painting and talking about what she is creating
- Is patient and will wait when needed
- Adores a cuddle

Tillies Birthday Activity of choice was Swimming with Friends :)

- Wants to now how to use ALL technology and experiments regularly
- Loves swimming and looking under the water
- Has a great sense of humour
- Has a calm a peace that is very settling
- is very excited about starting Preschool in January!

What will our year ahead hold! I adore watching you grow and develop little lady xoxoxoxox

Friends for Life

Relationships seem to be the lens that I am looking at the world through at the moment. So I am going to continue the theme and share with you my thoughts about siblings.

A few months ago I found myself saying to Orlando "you need to learn how to be Matilda's friend. She is the friend that you will always have, she doesn't go away..." this got me thinking about the importance of siblings.

As young children, we originally don't really care who we play with. Our play is mostly solitary or parallel.

 We then learn to develop friendships, but we often change our friendships as often as we change our underwear! It all depends on who is playing the game you want to play or explore what you want to be exploring.

As we grow, many of us find a special or "best" friend, or three, whom we play with most of the time. There are rules to games that are revisited over and over again. Everyone takes on roles within the relationship and we all play these roles. These friendships are strong, but not often strong enough to withstand some one moving, changing school etc.

High School is often the time that we start to develop friendships that last. I know I as an adult still have friends I met at high school.

Long term relationships/friendships take a lot of work! You need to learn how to:
- listen to each other
- know and celebrate each others differences
- support each other
- protect each other
- share the leadership role
- negotiate on decisions
- respect each others decisions
- be empathic of each other
- respect each others right to make their own decisions

Through  my observations, it seems that the person you get to learn all of this from and get to experiment with is your sibling!!!!

They are one of the first people who you have (that isn't an adult) to work all of this out with. They are going to be in your life for a long time and it is important to work on this relationship right from the beginning!!

I think this is part of the importance of sibling rivalry. We are fine tuning the relationship tools we are going to use for the rest of our lives and our poor sibling are our experimental puppies!! This obviously works  two ways. The older sibling is the one to try most of it on first, as they are hopefully at a more advanced level of social development.

To begin with they get to learn about what power feels like and what it is like to control others and to be the boss. When this goes too far or goes wrong, they learn about the boundaries of bossiness. How to look after a care for a younger sibling and how to fix a problem when you go too far.

From a younger siblings perspective, they get bossed around a lot. From this they learn how to say... "no, that's not ok with me" they become more assertive and learn to stand up for them selves. They learn how to express them selves in a way that means they can be heard over their older sibling.

As the younger sibling becomes more vocal and assertive, the older sibling receives a new set of skills. How to listen, take others thoughts and wishes into consideration. How to negotiate how a game is going to go. If you don't, then you're likely going to be left with no one to play with!

The younger sibling then learns what it feels like to be listened to and have power. They then need to learn how to use this power for good, not evil or all hell breaks loose. To sustain a friend to play with this power play needs to be kept in check, from both parties.

This, I think, is the underlying understanding of the whole process. Our sibling is the person with whom we learn about power, and the effects our use of power has on a relationship. I know this is where the main fights and atrocities happened between my sister and I. This is also the main area of conflict between my two 'angels'.

This is all only able to develop in a positive manner though support. Kids and siblings need to be able to work things out for them selves.... Yes, BUT, they also need the support of a more competent 'relationship-er' to assist them with the skills that they need. To be the reflective party, the new ideas person, the mediator.

Through supporting our kids to have a wonderful relationship with their sibling/s, I hope we are empowering them with the skills they need to have many rich, satisfying and rewarding relationships through out their lives.

During our time away, we have had ample opportunities to assist the kids with this process. In 5 intensive weeks, we have seen such an amazing difference in the way they work together. There are no other kids to play with, no other friends to get that playing satisfaction with. If you want to play with other kids then your sibling is the only choice you have... This is great motivation to make the relationship work.

Orlando and Matilda have developed a wonderful friendship. The fighting is to a minimum and usually when everyone is tired and skills fly out the window. Other wise they spend all day immersed deep in imaginative play. Such adventures they have! We often have to search to find where they have got to, together they feel safe and secure and so often travel a little too far. Often we look for them and find them in the grass, having a cuddle and chatting about some idea or another. Makes my heart sing :)


I hope that this intense experience and having us around as referees when they have needed it, will support them to continue this wonderful relationship when they get home and hopefully for many years to come!


POST NOTE: I wrote this a few weeks ago but haven't had internet to post it and wanted to add a little Tilly quote: Orlando had found a little boy to play with at camp and was wonderfully immersed. Tilly was wondering aimlessly calling "Orlando! Orlando! Where's my Orlando!" I had a chat with her about where he was and she said "But I love my Orlando and I need him back.... Orlando! I need my Orlando!"