A New Chapter in Life...

The last 9 months have been very interesting to me. I didn't really realise how interesting until I have paused and reflected. 

9 Months ago Matilda (my youngest) turned 3. This was not out of the ordinary in itself, but as many of my friends embarked upon or worked their way through their 3rd and sometimes 4th children we made the radical decision to stop at 2.

So I watched on while others went back to nappies, sleepless nights and breastfeeding. I snuggled their babies and breathed deeply as I smelt that newborn infant smell. It was all very lovely but I became aware that something was very different in me now. I no longer yearned for these babies. I felt very satisfied with my own 2 beautiful children. No more were needed.

So as the busy life of babes continued on I noticed that I was now moving at a different pace. I wasn't breastfeeding any more, I had no more nappies to change, both my children sleep through the night (most of the time anyway :)). Orlando started school, Matilda started Pre-School. My baby years were done... what was next?

As soon as I had asked this question, the universe provided me an answer. I was asked if I would be willing to do some more study in my role at work. It was left field, an area I LOVED in my recreational life but I had never considered making it a profession. It was physical and challenging and going to need me to commit a lot of time... most of my weekends... I have challenged myself mentally and intellectually a lot in my life, but physical challenges I have always shied away from.

But I had asked the question and the answer was here. So I agreed to embark on 12 months full time study, on top of my 3 days a week work and being a Mum of 2 delicious children... and here I was thinking I was moving at a slower pace! I was creating a new job for myself. I hadn't felt I could commit back to teaching full time post kids, I needed to find a new angle and here it was. I have a strong commitment and belief in the importance of children having a deep connection to and engagement with the outdoor world. Now I was skill-ing myself up to lead them into the wilderness on many an adventure... and to get paid for it!

I knew it would be an intense year and so far it has not let me down. But this intensity has brought new perspectives that I am finding really interesting. 

My kids are growing up and they need me less. I'm less just Mum and can re-find/define who I am. Nathan, Orlando and Matilda have created a deeper relationship. Nathan could win father of the year this year, he has stepped into the parenting limelight and is doing it all while working full time. Ollie and Tilly have remembered that Nath can meet their needs, just as well as I can.

This has provided me space and some autonomy. I miss everyone while I am away, or busy with my head in the computer. But I also LOVE that I am away on adventures, with other adults challenging myself, extending myself.

A new chapter has begun. So far it's a roller coaster but I am telling myself that next year will be calmer, next year will be the launch, this year is the crazy preparation.

So I guess my new baby is me! My focus is on myself... and it hasn't been there for over 6 years so it feels really good to have some time to grow and develop me!

Spring Planting....

We love our Vegetable Garden. Different years have greatly different results depending on the climate and our energy levels.Some years we are rather competent and attentive and this is rewarded with a close to self-sufficient veggie patch. Other years we are less attentive and have very little to show for it.

We plant much later than most, mainly because we find that seedlings planted into warm soil hit the ground growing... rather than needing to survive the cold before they grow. Also in Canberra we can have very late frosts so it is always a gamble as to when they are over. We have come to plan around Melbourne Cup Day being a safe time to plant.

Our garden is a whole family affair. I find that the more the kids are involved the more they are likely to eat the vegetables that are presented on their plate. 

I am hopeful and slightly optimistic that this is a year of growth for us all, and that the garden will be rewarded with attentiveness, which in return will reward us with delicious organic vegetables.

With our veggie patch re-fertilised and doubled in size, we set out to the nursery to select this years crop. Ideally I would LOVE to be growing all of our veg from seeds, but this requires me to be even more attentive, and I have not yet got to that place :) We often save our seeds but are not yet dedicated enough to do this productively. The kids love picking the tomato varieties for the year and love all the different names they have. They also join in the discussions about vegetable selections... should we try yellow zucchini this year or stick with the tried and true black jacks? What type of onions are on the menu? Do we want real spinach or just silver beet  What colour carrots do we enjoy? This year we selected: kent pumpkins, beans, snow peas, more strawberries, Lebanese cucumbers, black jack zucchinis, spinach, rainbow chard, 4 types of cherry tomatoes, 4 types of big tomatoes  HEAPS of Basil, lettuce sweet potato (trial) and a mixed bag of carrots. We also choose nasturtiums as our edible flower to welcome bees into our garden.

This year the kids did all the planting and I acted only as a foreman. I delighted in hearing Orlando teach Matilda how to care for and plant the seedlings. His instructions were "Squeeze the tub... but not too much... support the stem in your fingers... turn it upside down... and then take the pot off.... now the fun bit.... tickle the roots and make the plant happy.... if you laugh too it works better.... now put the happy plant in the hole... make sure it is up straight and not falling over.... and cover it with the dirt like a blanket... remember you don't like a blanket over your head and neither does the plant, so just around its bottom and legs, which is the roots.... push it down tight so it is cosy and give it a kiss with water, but not too much .... then we wait before we can eat it..."

Don't think I could have put it better myself....

Now to do the waiting part... remember to kiss it with water regularly and see how we go....

How is your garden growing this season? Hopeful?

Nutting out Knitting

I've known how to knit since I was a kid. But only VERY basically. I can cast on, knit, purl and that's about it! If everything goes right I can knit something, but I often end up with more stitches than I am meant to and a random hole or two :) Needless to say it isn't a skill I pride myself on.

Crocheting on the other hand I can do quite well. I can read patterns, do a few fancy patterns, numerous different stitches and can often nut it out if I don't already know. If something goes wrong I can see why and fix it.

So the problem I have is that often I find these beautiful patterns that I would adore to make. As they are knitting not crocheting I have to leave them or convince someone else to make them for me. This came to a head the other day as I was in a book sale and there were two yarn books for sale. One was for crochet and was rather boring, the other was for knitting and was very inspiring. So I brought the knitting one.....

Yarn crafts are a winter thing for me, I love to sit on cold winter nights with the fire on and create woollen wonders. So I have set my self the challenge of nutting out knitting.

I passed by a stall at the markets, who were selling beautiful home spun, home dyed wool. So I set myself up with a ball, ready to make one of these beautiful knitted hats for Orlando. I sat down with my new wool and new book and set to reading the pattern...

"Cast on 80 stitches, divide evenly between a set of 4 double pointed needles and join"...... RIGHT! I can cast on!!!!

I love yarn crafts being handed down from one person to the other, I know the Internet is a great source of tutorials but I think some age old crafts a better shared. So I took my wool and book to my mother-in-law's house. She is a great knitter, whips things up with style and does all sorts of fancy stuff. She assured me that it was actually quite simple, once you knew what they were talking about. She showed me as I went, and I was off! By the end of my busy week I have finished my first knitted beanie. Knitting seems much faster than crocheting.

Now with my little hat complete, I have learnt many new knitting skills. I now know how to use circular needles, knit in a round using 4 needles, and knit a cord! Simple for some, quite and achievement for me! Apparently I have perfect tension and it looks like a machine. I think this is because I go so slow :)

The only problem ended up being that I was making the hat for Orlando. For some reason it is much smaller than it should be, so I thought it could be for Matilda. Once finished a (7-8 yr old) hat will fit about a 1 yr old. So looks like it will end up a gift for one of the many babies we know that are currently 'under construction'.

First Feltings

I love felting! 

I find it super inspiring and stunningly beautiful. I have not done a lot of it, but every time I dapple I feel great satisfaction. So it is something I would like to explore more.

I have found that since having kids, my time for focused experiences has diminished. Most of my creative pursuits require focused time, so my opportunities to pursue them has also diminished. Now that the kids are getting more independent, I am finding a little more time. But more so, I am finding that if I included them in my creativity, then we all get some nice time together and I get the soul food from being creative.

So when Orlando's tooth got wobbly, we discussed some ideas as to what sort of bag/pouch he would like to create. A pretty important item to put his tooth in for the tooth fairy. We decided on felt. I was rather pleased.

I find when felting with children the easiest thing to use are pre-felts (where I have created a very basic 'fabric' sheet that is lightly felted and can be cut out into desired shapes). I have a stash of pre-felts from previous felting adventures, so Orlando took to the stash to find some pieces he found inspiring.

Matilda joined in the adventure, selecting a precious piece for herself to make a felted leaf... or 5....

Once we have cut out the desired shape (much bigger than needed as it will shrink a lot) we add wool, silk, other felt strips and shapes, to the top of the felt to create the design or look that we want.









We wet the felt with warm soapy water. Then with a plastic bag on our hand we give it little rubs. This is the bit my kids love, they make all sorts of tickling jokes and have a good laugh about tickling the felt.

For Orlando to make a bag/pocket we slipped a piece of plastic inside to stop the front and back from felting to each other.

When everything looks like it is going to stay in place, we wrap the felt in nylon cloth (as this wont stick to the felt) and on a rough surface, like a sushi mat or bubble wrap, we roll the felt back and forth like a snake of clay.







We roll a lot, getting more and more firm as we do. We check it often, to check it is all working and change directions so it felts/shrinks evenly. When it is well on it's way we take it out and throw it really hard at the table. This is a lot of fun and makes a great splatting sound. We have a lot of laughs while doing this :)

For the leaves, we select a special stick to attach it to. We wrap a little felt around the leaf and stick and gently felt it, so that the leaf attaches to the stick.


I love that felt is so diverse. You can make stunning art pieces but also a 2 yr old can create balls, leaves, all sorts, that still look stunning.













The night after doing this, Orlando's tooth fell out (but unfortunately he swallowed it :) ) Instead of depositing his tooth in his little bag, he wrote a beautiful note

Orlando's vision of what the Tooth Fairy looks like

 "Dear Tooth Fairy, My tooth fell out! I think I swallowed it. Love Orlando"

He folded it up and it fit perfectly in his little bag. I'm sure the tooth fairy would have been chuffed :)

Caving with Kids

Before the cold weather sets in to strongly, we decided to get one more camping trip in. Boy was it COLD!! But as always we had a wonderful time and now feel re-connected as a family and rejuvenated by the gifts nature always provides us. 

Nathan and I have a long tradition of caving and camping at Wee Jasper. It was where we first started to eye each other off and think - gee I like the look of him.... 15 years later we still love going.

We have walked the kids into the mouth of a few natural limestone caves before, but as Matilda was either not walking or not yet climbing, we had not yet taken them deep into the caves. This time, to much excitement of the kids, we spent the whole morning in a great starter cave called the "Signature Cave". This is a great cave to begin with as there is a decent amount to explore but no "endless drops" for the kids to fall down. There are squeezes, mazes, tunnels and slippery slides to enjoy.

So, full of excitement we 'donned' our dirty clothes, helmets and head torches and set off to explore the cave. The kids were wonderful, they got comfortable with sitting on their bottoms to get down slopes and became more and more adventurous as we spent time exploring the cave. 

We set boundaries about helmets needing to stay on in the cave and that was it, no other boundaries were needed. The kids were really empowered by being real cavers. They were fascinated about the new world they found below the earth and the new experiences it allowed us to have. We turned the lights off and felt the complete darkness on our bodies. We also loved getting REALLY DIRTY, sliding, rolling and crawling through the mud.

This is going to be a new regular for our family. Watching the sense of pride on the kids faces when they pushed through their comfort zones and challenged themselves was really rewarding. Orlando was so inspired by it that he made up all sorts of plans about living in the cave, and dreamt of many a cave adventure.

Reflections on Mothering

On Orlando's 5th birthday I find my mind boggling (or blogging!) about the fact that I have now been a mother for 5 Years! On one hand it feels like only yesterday that I held my beautiful new baby in my arms, but then on the other hand, life before Orlando feels like an eternity ago!

So I thought I would take this opportunity to reflect on the happy and the hard of what I have learnt as a mother over the past 5 years...(in no particular order)

- I never realised just how much love one heart could feel.

- Surviving in a permanently sleep deprived state for 5 years really drains on ones brain function.

- I had always felt that I formed close relationships, but once you have been 24/7 in the presence of another human being that is both relying on you and drinking in your love, you really begin to understand what close is.

- I never knew how empty one could feel when separated from this close relationship.

- I was amazed and continue to be amazed at the the amount you know this little person in front of you, even when you've just met.

- I have found it fascinating,  not only as an educator, but as a mother who wants to tick off the developmental milestones, to watch how children work out new skills and learn and explore with an internal passion.

- I have realised that most of these sought milestones are nonsense! Yes it is good to know if any alarm bells need to ring, but seriously at 2, who can tell the difference between a child who walked at 11 months or one who walked at 18 months? Relax!

- I've learned that just when you feel like you've got things running smoothly, children have a wonderful way or taking you back out of your comfort zone.

- Orlando taught me about being in the present. Babies know not of tomorrow, or really dwell on their short past, they just are, in the moment. I learnt a lot from this.

- I realised how precious time is. Now with 2 children, personal, attentive one-on-one time is paramount.

- I've discovered how fundamental my emotional state is at all times. Infants hormones actually change to follow the mothers until they are able to regulate their hormones for them selves. This has followed on to now... when times get intense my emotional state effects us all.

- I have embraced the world of balance. There is no use in making my house spotless at the expense of precious time with my children. I am also more available to my children if I ensure I have some time and care for myself.

- I acknowledge that when times are frustrating the best thing to do is to talk to someone about it. Your child is not the first one to, have sleepless nights, throw tantrums, scream every 5 seconds...

- Call on the support of your network... it takes many hands to raise a child.

- We sing regularly, through much of our day. Known songs and made up ones and they make us all feel good.



- Everyone will have an opinion about how you have decided to do things, and many of them will voice that opinion. If your choice is a considered one then stand by it, its your choice. If it isn't the thank them for a point to reflect upon (A hair dresser told me I needed to shave Matilda's hair off to stop her twirling it.... Ummm No....)

- I empower the kids with as many independently skills I can to allow one on one special time and to maintain my sanity :)

- I form friendships with people who have kids around the same age. This makes life a lot easier and the other parents are always understanding of those tough moments as odds are, they had one yesterday...

- Our children are made of us... so they have the exact ingredients needed to mirror our flaws and push our buttons with great accuracy, instead of getting frustrated by this, I see that maybe I have found that so difficult as it is something I want to change in myself...

- Although I am a teacher of young children and have dealt with many challenging behaviours... when its your child it is very different!


- Take a deep breath before dealing with any challenging behaviour.

- Children actually need very little... love, time and nature is about it (other than the obvious human needs of food and shelter etc) we are marketed as continuously with all these things we 'need' for our child to be happy and it is absolute nonsense. We just need each other.

- Dads are just as important as Mums. They have VERY different lessons and skills to offer. Often the balance of both assists a well rounded child. I as a mother have no way of teaching the lessons a father can teach.

- Have a sense of humour, nothing can be serious when your having a laugh and the children respect you for being human. Laugh at yourself.

- Siblings offer the perfect opportunity for children to learn about developing and maintaining long term relationships. Help them work at this.

- Admit when your wrong, to both your children and others, be human...

- There always needs to be time to stop and have a cuddle!!

Well I'm sure there are a million other things but right now that's my reflection...

What have you learnt about being a Mother/Parent?