15/52

"A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2014."

Orlando: Body movements inspired by waves in the ocean. A cloudy day at the beach and his clothes match the colour of the ocean!

Matilda: Joy in Jumping! (Photo by Nathan) The beach inspired her to RUN!

Pair: Nocturnal bed changes... instead of seeking out our bed, they has started finding each other.

Joining with Jodi

Pocket Money

Boy, can I tell my kids aren't babies any more when I start being asked about pocket money!

Orlando (nearly 7) said the other day "If I help you with this dish washer, maybe you could give me some pocket money and I could buy this Lego Boat I want from the shops..."

I had a stirring of some very conflicting thoughts and emotions...

I asked him... "How does pocket money work?"

O - "Well I help you with jobs around the house and then you give me some money to buy things that I want to buy."

Me - "Oh that sounds nice... so can I have pocket money for the jobs that I do around the house?"

O - "But you already have money, I only have the money I get from my teeth" (there are a lot falling out at the moment)

This got me thinking... my kids rarely ask for things from the shop. They don't nag, so when they see something really special, I ask them to tell me about why it is so important to them and then I would usually buy it for them. But Orlando hadn't asked me to buy it. He wanted to buy it, with his own money.

This isn't something I wanted to overlook, to me it is an indication that he is wanting to take responsibility for some things, to feel a bit more grown up. 

A few years ago we had agreed to swap money for jobs - he chose 4 jobs that he would do each day and got an agreed amount of money at the end of the week. He would choose things like putting everyone's bed side lamps on at dusk and setting the table etc. It never felt right. I thought he should be doing these things anyway and I felt like I was bribing him with money.

It got me thinking about how we could make this work in an authentic and meaningful way. I like the idea of both the kids being able to have some say in what we buy. To want something enough to save up for it. To get some supported experience in how to use money. 

I went back to my tried and true thought ... "How does it work in the adult world?"

Well I get an allowance from the family budget, as does Nath. The kids don't get one, it is sort of combined with mine, as I usually spend all of mine on them anyway.

We get this allowance whether or not we got our 'jobs' done at home. If the house is messy and the washing un-done, I still get my allowance. I feel conscious of not pulling my weight but I still get it.

This made me think... I am a responsible and considerate member of a family. We work together as a unit. As a respected member of this family, I get an allowance. I also respect the other members of my family enough to participate in the running of the household. 

This could work just as well with the kids. They are also respected members of our family, and thus deserve to have an allowance each week, that they can make decisions about. 

They also need, as respectful and considerate members of this family, to contribute to the running of the house hold. If they don't then we deal with that... as a separate issue, not linked to the money at all. 

This feels SO much better to me, and seems, thus far, to be working. I'll let you know in a year when we've given it a good run!!

1/52

I've been a little undecided about if I was going to embark on this project again this year... I enjoyed it last year and LOVE having the years worth of portraits, but I think the mixture of the weekly commitment and how hectic last year was for us made it all a little stressful. This year will be slower. So I have decided to embark again see where it goes. I will also have a little more brain power to give this space, which should mean that I can post more often and add a little more 'meat' to the sandwich.

I've also decided that this year I will aim to add a 'group shot' of the two of them and their relationship as when I looked through last years photos and thought about separating them into two different book I became aware that I was pulling apart a shared experience. This year their books will have themselves and the group shots, showing casing the deep importance of their relationship.

So here we go for another year!

"A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2014."

Orlando: He is growing, his teeth are moving, his body is getting strong, athletic and fast.

Matilda: Complete trust when it comes to extreme maneuvers and her Daddy. Such Joy.

Pair: Fishing with Poppy, many hopes, lots of waiting, always better with a friend.

Joining with Jodi

Stoic...

This morning Matilda had her 4yr old immunisations. It is never fun for the kids or for the adults. I particularly hate it when they get older as they look at you with these eyes saying "Why are you letting them hurt me like this?" I must say I am often feeling "Why am I letting them hurt you like this!"

As with everything else, we are very honest with the kids about what's happening. A week or two ago I told Tilly about the appointment and she wasn't too fussed. Once it was upon us, she seemed a little excited, and I was thinking "Gee have I explained this properly?"

We went in and the nurse asked her if she knew what we were doing and Tilly confidently said "Yes, your going to put needles in my arms and it will hurt but go away quickly."

Everyone was set to go...

I have noticed with Matilda that she often selects just how much emotion she want to share. She will either be out there with it or she will hold it in. This is quite a contrast from her big brother who wears his emotion on his sleeve. There is never any doubt as to how Orlando is feeling, it's written all over his face, and bellowing into our ear drums.

I know that when Tilly and I butt heads over something, she gives me this look like "you can't break me... I am actually finding this quite amusing"  Where as if she is squabbling with Orlando she will dramatically cry until she has received what she deems to be enough attention from it. 

Today, when it really did hurt she held her breath, clenched her teeth and didn't show a tear. In between sides she hid her face in my chest and did it all again. Not a sound, not a tear.

We waited our mandatory 15 mins in the waiting room in which she was quiet, stiff and close to motionless in her chair. When it was time, we hopped into the car and I took off the band-aids. This was the straw that broke the camels back... the sobs flowed, the crying, the "OUCH it Hurt!" the deep need for Mumma and snuggles. She had held it all in, until the privacy of our car.

When I relayed this message to Nath, he said "Just like her mum" and it got me thinking...


Where have Tilly and I got the perception that we need to be strong, stoic, stubborn and not show others how deeply we are feeling? Why do we both wait for the safety of our loved ones to show the true depth of our pain/anger/happiness? Where did we learn about this mask?

I love that children teach us so much about ourselves, but I am also very aware about how much of ourselves we teach our children...

6...

I sort of feel numb about the idea that Orlando has just turned 6... really 6 already? Yet at the same time it feels like... only 6... I hardly remember life without him! 


So much growing up has happened in the last few months. Starting Kindergarten has had a lot to do with it, but I think all these new teeth and the idea of '6-ness' has been a factor as well.

Orlando has grown tall, oh so tall. All of his pants are suddenly two sizes too small. This new height seems to be giving him a different view of the world. Attitudes are changing and relationships are deepening. A new self awareness or maybe a new self consciousness has begun. A calm, deep focus has set in. New interests, broader interests, questions and fascination  Huge ambitions, Orlando is set to understand all the world has to offer.

There are new rules about what clothes are okay to wear, how he wants to look and choices about how he is presenting himself to the world. He is thinking deeply about relationships, how they work and how they change. There is a new ability to accept change and a humble way of accepting what is. He is learning new ways to negotiate and testing new boundaries. He is aware of how much focused time he receives from us, and lets us know when we have been too preoccupied "Mum I need us to do something together, just us for a bit"

He is testing himself and pushing his skills, trying new tasks and practicing them until he feels he has got it. He is reading, writing, sewing, jumping, creating, playing, building, exploring, inventing, discovering, watching, laughing and laughing and laughing.

Such love I have for this young man, such love and such fascination. 

Happy Birthday Beautiful Boy....

I Miss You!

I find being a Mum often provides me with points to reflect upon. This past 2 weeks has been an interesting turning point for me. 

I love being a Mum, but there a often times that I, (and I think many others) yearn for who I was before I had children. You transform a part of yourself when you become a Mum. Life changes, and I often find myself dreaming about when I used to have time and mental space for... movies, coffee with friends, work without distractions - even a trip to the toilet uninterrupted! I miss me! or the pre-mum me anyway!

With the new school year nearly upon us, I have had a lot of work on. So instead of shipping the kids from one place to another, they had their first 'holiday' away at their Nan and Pops. Boy were they excited... 8 days without Mum and Dad! 8 days of adventure with Nan! We had the plan of retreat if it was too long away. Not only were the kids excited but us too! 8 days kid free! 8 days to just think of ourselves! Eat when we want, go to the movies, go rock climbing together, gym when we need - not when is convenient in the tag team regime. I also had a lot of hours to put in at work, but even the concept of going to work without the kids and being able to work as long as I needed was exciting.

As we drove away from dropping the kids off, the car was very quiet. I felt excited but slightly nervous also... I was going to miss the kids!

After a day of quiet adjustment we started making the most of our time. 2 movies and dinners in 3 days! A well overdue bush hike over the weekend and the needed 9/10 hour days at work. Nath and I really enjoyed getting to spend some time together.

We hit day 5 and I realised I was feeling exhausted! I also woke with this sickening feeling of where are my babies I need them back! I was really missing the kids. I got wondering about why I was feeling so tired and then it occurred to me that I had been travelling at a million miles an hour. I told myself that I was just trying to make the most of the time away... but that wasn't it. This is how fast I used to travel ALL THE TIME! This WAS the OLD ME! 

I reminisced on how, when I had Orlando, it took me a few months to slow down. I had to change gears and adopt a slower pace of life. This was the biggest adjustment for me in becoming a mum, and I had sort of forgotten it. 

So now I was again going so fast that, the house was a mess (I was too busy to clean it), my 'food pets' were all in the fridge 'on hold' (I didn't have time to feed them), we were eating take out many nights (I didn't have time to cook) and I had no clothes to wear as I hadn't done any washing (didn't have time for that either!).

I found myself yearning for the routine and order having the kids in the house gave me. The slower pace, allowed me to do all the things I wanted/needed. It allowed me to be the me that felt right... Now I was missing the Mum me!

Through all of this I have realised that as much as it is normal to yearn for a little time to my/our selves, to want to see a movie etc I actually prefer the Mum me to the old me. I am calmer, more focused, more emphatic  more caring, I have more patience (although it is often tested), I am healthier,  I make far more of my own food, and I have two stunningly beautiful children who fill my life with  joy, laughter and overwhelming amounts of love! 

So now my babies are home and we prepare for both of their 'first days' on Monday. This is a year of change in our house hold. New adventures for all of us. I am so pleased that we are a tight and loving family unit, to support each other in all the adventures and challenges the upcoming year has to offer.

(I have also realised that we really need to get some more recent family photos!!)

An Emotional Ending...

Last week, my Beautiful Boy attend his last, ever day at Pre-School. My prediction was that it was going to be a happy affair, and it was, but I was unprepared for just how emotional it would be...

Orlando has been excitedly telling all that will listen that he was going off to 'Big School' next year. He understood what a significant right of passage this was. He bravely went to his kindergarten orientation. He was excited, nervous and full of anticipation. The morning went reasonably well, but Orlando's perception of  'Big School' seemed to change. Not from anything that had happened there, but by the fact that it all became very real that Pre-School was going to come to an end.

We had a week or two of "I don't want to go to Big School" when I realised what was happening. I asked him ... "Is it that you don't want to go to Big School or is it that you don't want to leave Pre-School?" his answer told all. "I don't want to leave George (best friend going to different school), and I don't want to leave Sam and the teachers, and there wont be the 'big shovel' at school and I didn't see any scooters and ..." the list went on.

Orlando has had 3 very beautiful years at an Independent Pre-School with an amazing philosophy.

I remember 3 years ago, my 'big' boy was ready for his first day at Pre-School. He was so ready for something more than home was offering. He had a stimulating week, but he wanted his own experiences, that he could come home and tell me about. His own friends and to be part of a bigger community.

3 years later, Orlando is deeply ingrained in this community and cherishes every day he spends there. He feels safe, nurtured, stimulated and an important teacher of the 'little' kids. He has great friends, wonderful relationships with the teachers and feels successful because he can 'do' most things there.

We have had a number of chats in the last week about the importance of moving on to new challenges and appreciating the experiences you have had, while being open to new ones. We have stressed the fact that, as you become an 'expert' at something,  and have taught it to someone else it is time to move forward. That goodbyes can be hard, but that is because you heart has lots of love for what you are saying goodbye to.

We asked Orlando to come to a special dinner with us to celebrate his achievement in finishing Pre-School and have been talking with great excitement about the new adventures and possibilities ahead.

His last day came and I could see he was feeling a little internal as we arrived. He happily got involved and went about his day. At pick up time, he collected his bag and hovered a little. I reminded him that this was the time to say goodbye and he ran to each of his teachers and gave them a heartfelt squeeze. He then found his good friend and gave him one of the most open-hearted, loving cuddles I have seen. He was then satisfied, took a deep breath (as if taking it all in for the last time) and was ready to go.

I on the other hand, who had thought I would be cool and calm (these are also my work colleagues and Matilda is coming to Pre-School next year) was a blubbering mess! I was looking at my big boy and seeing what an amazing journey he has been on. How far he has come and what a beautiful and strong foundation he has had to build his future educational experiences from.

I am so greatful and thankful to his Pre-School for taking my baby and giving me back a thoughtful, inquisitive and adventrous boy.

Friends for Life

Relationships seem to be the lens that I am looking at the world through at the moment. So I am going to continue the theme and share with you my thoughts about siblings.

A few months ago I found myself saying to Orlando "you need to learn how to be Matilda's friend. She is the friend that you will always have, she doesn't go away..." this got me thinking about the importance of siblings.

As young children, we originally don't really care who we play with. Our play is mostly solitary or parallel.

 We then learn to develop friendships, but we often change our friendships as often as we change our underwear! It all depends on who is playing the game you want to play or explore what you want to be exploring.

As we grow, many of us find a special or "best" friend, or three, whom we play with most of the time. There are rules to games that are revisited over and over again. Everyone takes on roles within the relationship and we all play these roles. These friendships are strong, but not often strong enough to withstand some one moving, changing school etc.

High School is often the time that we start to develop friendships that last. I know I as an adult still have friends I met at high school.

Long term relationships/friendships take a lot of work! You need to learn how to:
- listen to each other
- know and celebrate each others differences
- support each other
- protect each other
- share the leadership role
- negotiate on decisions
- respect each others decisions
- be empathic of each other
- respect each others right to make their own decisions

Through  my observations, it seems that the person you get to learn all of this from and get to experiment with is your sibling!!!!

They are one of the first people who you have (that isn't an adult) to work all of this out with. They are going to be in your life for a long time and it is important to work on this relationship right from the beginning!!

I think this is part of the importance of sibling rivalry. We are fine tuning the relationship tools we are going to use for the rest of our lives and our poor sibling are our experimental puppies!! This obviously works  two ways. The older sibling is the one to try most of it on first, as they are hopefully at a more advanced level of social development.

To begin with they get to learn about what power feels like and what it is like to control others and to be the boss. When this goes too far or goes wrong, they learn about the boundaries of bossiness. How to look after a care for a younger sibling and how to fix a problem when you go too far.

From a younger siblings perspective, they get bossed around a lot. From this they learn how to say... "no, that's not ok with me" they become more assertive and learn to stand up for them selves. They learn how to express them selves in a way that means they can be heard over their older sibling.

As the younger sibling becomes more vocal and assertive, the older sibling receives a new set of skills. How to listen, take others thoughts and wishes into consideration. How to negotiate how a game is going to go. If you don't, then you're likely going to be left with no one to play with!

The younger sibling then learns what it feels like to be listened to and have power. They then need to learn how to use this power for good, not evil or all hell breaks loose. To sustain a friend to play with this power play needs to be kept in check, from both parties.

This, I think, is the underlying understanding of the whole process. Our sibling is the person with whom we learn about power, and the effects our use of power has on a relationship. I know this is where the main fights and atrocities happened between my sister and I. This is also the main area of conflict between my two 'angels'.

This is all only able to develop in a positive manner though support. Kids and siblings need to be able to work things out for them selves.... Yes, BUT, they also need the support of a more competent 'relationship-er' to assist them with the skills that they need. To be the reflective party, the new ideas person, the mediator.

Through supporting our kids to have a wonderful relationship with their sibling/s, I hope we are empowering them with the skills they need to have many rich, satisfying and rewarding relationships through out their lives.

During our time away, we have had ample opportunities to assist the kids with this process. In 5 intensive weeks, we have seen such an amazing difference in the way they work together. There are no other kids to play with, no other friends to get that playing satisfaction with. If you want to play with other kids then your sibling is the only choice you have... This is great motivation to make the relationship work.

Orlando and Matilda have developed a wonderful friendship. The fighting is to a minimum and usually when everyone is tired and skills fly out the window. Other wise they spend all day immersed deep in imaginative play. Such adventures they have! We often have to search to find where they have got to, together they feel safe and secure and so often travel a little too far. Often we look for them and find them in the grass, having a cuddle and chatting about some idea or another. Makes my heart sing :)


I hope that this intense experience and having us around as referees when they have needed it, will support them to continue this wonderful relationship when they get home and hopefully for many years to come!


POST NOTE: I wrote this a few weeks ago but haven't had internet to post it and wanted to add a little Tilly quote: Orlando had found a little boy to play with at camp and was wonderfully immersed. Tilly was wondering aimlessly calling "Orlando! Orlando! Where's my Orlando!" I had a chat with her about where he was and she said "But I love my Orlando and I need him back.... Orlando! I need my Orlando!"

Catch Up Take 2!

Well in my last posting I said that at Mt Field the sun came out... Well it has stayed out ever since, so I have been out busy enjoying our holiday and not had a lot of time for blogging or much Internet connection (good old Tassie!). We have some mega catching up to do! More than 2 weeks worth actually!!! So it will be brief but I'll elaborate when we get home :)

Following Mt Field we went to:

Bruny Island
This was a wonderful stop. We rode the ferry (or Fairy as the kids are convinced it is) over. Orlando was in heaven! Yet another form of transport to add to the repertoire! Or camp site was on one end of "The Neck" which is the famous isthmus the joins north and south islands together. Our campsite was merely meters from the BEAUTIFUL beach and we very much enjoyed sleeping to the beating of the waves (have actually had this for 3 weeks now and will miss it as we move inland).
We could have stayed here for weeks! The island has a small population but it has a beautiful relaxed atmosphere. There are little factories and farms like the cheese factory, the smoke house, the berry farm and fudge shop. We did the tour and went back to our beach with a hamper full of goodies to enrich our camping pantry. We had sunshine and no wind YAY!!

We saw the Fairy Penguins waddle in from the beach at night time and squark around their nests (the part of the holiday Matilda has been waiting for.... I think she is still a little surprised they didn't look like the fairies she was imagining :))

Dover

Our dear friend Kathryn and her daughter Jasmine live in the little fishing village of Dover. It is always good to spend some time with old friends. Particularly ones you were very close to and then don't see for ages. It was nice being in a house for a few nights but a bit of a culture shock also. The kids were in heaven! Another kid to play with! And TOYS!!!!!!!! After an awkward start, Orlando and Jasmine hit it off and quickly made friends. Orlando found it rather tricky to say good bye to Jasmine, she made quite an impression on him. He sobbed for a good half an hour when we left, upset he wasn't going to see her again for a long time. This was also a clear indication for us that he is REALLY missing all of his friends and the social community he has around him at home.

Hobart
Well Hobart nearly blew us away!! LITERALLY! This was when the gale force winds hit Tasmania and Victoria and Oh MY!! We were in a horrible little Caravan Park on the outskirts of Hobart and were in a wind tunnel next to a bay so we had 3 sleepless nights just trying to hold the van down so that it didn't take off! Nathan's wonderful rope skills meant that he was able to tie the roof of the van to the ground to hold it down. This wind scared me a bit and I didn't feel settled or safe.

But on the touristy side of things we went to the Cadbury Factory and learnt all about chocolate. The kids were in heaven! We also brought a good lot of it from the very very cheap retail shop (I was also GOB SMACKED buy the amount of chocolate some people we buying OMG why are they not the size of houses!)


We also spent a very windy day in Hobart at the Salamanca markets which is always a nice day out. Got some delicious produce to nibble and found a FANTASTIC little book shop in Salamanca square. Could of spent days in there. It was my idea of a beautiful little tucked away treasure. Even the kids were happy for a full hour looking at all the kids books.

We had our Belated Fathers Day. We went to see MONA (Museum of Old and New Art) This is a great gallery and a real asset to the Art world. We really enjoyed our visit here, the museum has been well done. We also agreed that much of it, is not the sort of art we really like to look at! A bit too much exhibitionism for my liking. We then went over to the Royal Tasmanian Botanic Gardens. These are beautiful but it was really interesting to been in a 'constructed' natural space after spending so much time in wild natural spaces.

Tasman Peninsular

I always marvel at how old foot stones
wear down over hundreds of years
 and millions of uses.

We were pleased and relieved to be going bush again and this is a beautiful part of Tasmania. We camped at Fortescue Bay which is a stunning beach with white sands and picture perfect blue water. We had quite an adventure getting in to our campsite as it was raining, just a little, but enough! The road was dirt and the hill was long and VERY steep and started to go straight up, straight after a sharp corner, so you didn't even know it was coming to get a good run up.... well with this and a whole lot of loose, wet slippery gravel on the road.... we couldn't get up the hill... Bugger... we had 3 attempts, each time Nath had to reverse the car and van down the ridiculous hill that was so slippery we were sliding even when stopped and trying to be still. Just when we were discussing other camping options in the area an 'old cobber' came out of no where in his little suzuki and said "Common cobber, hook this to your bus, we need to get those kiddies to the beach!" and he hooked a tow rope to the front of the car and his little box of a 4WD pulled us, the car and the van up the hill. Thank goodness! And bless the little bush yokel fairy that saved our asses!

 
Once here we really enjoyed a day at Port Arthur. Ollie really loved the stories about how people used to live and we only included a few of the horrible bits :) Tilly didn't understand much of it but loved the old houses. We also went on an epic bush walk that was meant to be "flat 3 hr coastal walk". Well it took us at least 4 1/2 hrs and was VERY hilly. Like we walked over the top of 3 mountainous headlands. By the end we all felt exhausted but satisfied. Ollie walked the whole lot of it and Tilly helped me build back and shoulder strength with her luxury back pack ride.







Freycinet
Being the "Gold Coast of Tasmania" and Tasmanian school holidays, it was a lot busier here than we have had anywhere (saying that we have come accustomed to having campgrounds to our selves :)) So we felt a little crowded. We are also starting to get a bit tired and need to remember to schedule in some slow days, other wise we are going to need a holiday from our holiday!

We had a meander along some little pebble beaches, one with some amazing granite boulders and caves. The bouldering/rock climbing bug has bitten Ollie and Nath and Ollie are having some FANTASTIC boy time going off and rock scrambling. Matilda on the other hand sits in the sand or pebbles and has a little sensory massage, rubbing and rolling her whole body in the sand. She gets in quite a zone!


We also did the iconic Wineglass Bay walk. Up to the lookout and over the mountain to possibly one of the world's most beautiful beaches. I am so pleased they haven't put a road through nature to get easy access here but instead you have to walk, a decent walk, to enjoy and appreciate its beauty. We continued on an extended bush walk, totaling 5 hrs of walking. Ollie has developed into a champion walker and only complains a little near the end of 5 hrs, which in all honesty we all feel like doing :) I found it interesting to reflect on the beauty of the beach and then to discover why it is called wineglass bay. Partly it is to do with it's shape, but mainly, due to how deep it is and the fact that it is very protected, it was an area of great protection for whales and it had an enormous migrating whaler population.  During early settlement of the area it was discovered how many whales were here, and low an behold man started to slaughter them at great speed. First all the Sperm Whales and then the Humpbacks, so much so that the bay was continuously full of blood, so much that it looked like a glass full of red wine.... :(


Mole Creek
For our last stop in Tasmania we have decided to stop at the sleepy little town of Mole Creek. Today we went and explored the caves which was one of the most beautiful and well preserved limestone tour caves I've seen. It also houses one of the largest populations of Glow Worms. The kids have become quite the glow worm fans! Ollie expressed today that they were like beautiful stars and he and Nath are hatching a plan to construct a glow worm haven on his roof at home. Tomorrow we bush walk some more and go and visit the honey shop and other gourmet delights.

On Wednesday evening we embark on our return voyage on the Spirit (as you could of guessed Ollie has been talking about for a week already!) and then we have just over 2 weeks of this journey left! Time is flying for us!

5 Weeks in we have settled into a nice hum together as a family. The kids have made great friends and are really enjoying each others company. We are thankful for the bonding we have the opportunity to be doing and I think it will stay with us for a long time following this journey. All of our internal communication has improved out of sight and we are appreciating each other everyday. Parts of us are longing for home, we miss our friends, family and lives. We miss our chickens and garden, which should be blossoming just beautifully about now. But that will all be there waiting for us on our return.

Coming to the end of the Tassie leg it is hard not to feel like we're going home. In a part we are but we still have 2 1/2 week in Victoria. It's hard to get there mentally right now so we are just being and will explore Vic when we arrive on Thursday! (Which is also my BEAUTIFUL little sister's Birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNA!!)

Until then...

Caio!