Sharing Skills

I don't excel at many things but I can do a pretty good job at most of them. The age old 'Jane' of all trades, master of none! 

A wise woman once mocked me saying "Of course you have lost interest in it, you have figured out how to do it, so it is no longer a challenge!" I think this really hit the nail on the head. 

I love learning how to do new things. Racking up the skills, feeling that if I needed to I could make most things for myself, without the need of the shops.

I also love sharing these skills, learning from others, teaching others. I have a strong belief in crafts and cooking skills being passed on from one person to another. Usually through shared experiences and communal moments. 


Learning to cook something new while sharing wine or having a bench full of little bottoms, all eager to nut out how to crack that egg without getting shell, or crank the pasta machine and see the spaghetti come out.

Sitting in the sun or around a fire with a pot of good tea and teaching someone how to crochet or read guitar tabs. Sitting side by side and mosaic-ing with someone, continually learning from each others techniques. 

The world is full of teachers and those eager to be taught.

Orlando has asked me to teach him how to knit. I have been waiting for his interest and with me doing quite a lot of knitting of late, I was not surprised at the request.

I have a delicious memory of my Grandmother teaching me to knit. She had a little poem that has stayed with me through many 'non-knitting' decades ready to be recalled as soon as I picked the needles up again. It went:

"In the rabbit hole,

round the tree, 

out the rabbit hole,

and off!"

So Orlando selected his wool, we choose some bigger needles to begin with and set to work. 

He took a movie of my instructions to remind him later if her needed (talk about techno-native generation) He settled himself in the crook of my arm and off we went. Hand in hand to begin and then just that little poem being repeated over and over.

He caught on really fast, seems interested, has come back 4 times in 2 days. I am loving that he is at an age where he can start to comprehend these more complex tasks and his fine motor control is developed enough to achieve what he needs.

Another skill shared in the beauty of a communal experience. One that hopefully Orlando will teach someone else one day.

Secret Spots...

As a child I had secret spots...

Spots to go an hide, play, sit. 

We had forts. There was a stone fort, a wood fort, a forest fort and.... I forget the other. But all four of us would build a 'home' in our fort and then battle off against each other. It made for hours of fun! 

We also had dams. In the dams we would swim, make floating platforms, catch yabbies, construct dams in the inflow streams, ant villages in the water (they couldn't escape if surrounded by water). I remember one ant village was so elaborate it took 6 children 2 weeks of school holidays to build, mend and tend.

We had LONG grass. Wonderful for hide and seek. Or to lay in and feel that you are in a different world.

We had chooks. I wasn't so keen on them, but I cared for them anyway and now a home doesn't feel like home without them.

We spent our days outside exploring, creating, collaborating. Mum used to have this 'coo-eee' call that would let us know where ever we were on the 25 acres that it was time to head back to the house for some (probably boring) reason.

I have yearned deeply for my children to experience the same freedom. I have worried that in living in suburbia, they wouldn't get the same opportunity. I have worried that in this new world of fear, I wont let them have that same freedom. I also worried that other children are missing out on these freedoms. To explore create and be children... without the watchful eye of an adult.

To my GREAT JOY I have discovered otherwise. Being school holidays here at the moment we went for a walk down to the park. We decided to go to a different park than we usually do. On the way we saw 6 different groups of children down at the local nature reserve playing. Exploring, up to their knees in mud. Tackling each other in a game of ruff and tumble on the grass. Climbing trees, making cubbies, daming the creek with rocks and sticks. Delightfully there was not an adult in sight (other than me of course :)) 

 

The late afternoon sun was shining and the kids were out playing. I stopped a moment to watch some boys at the creek and they noticed me and said "Our mum's said it was OK..." I replied "I think it's wonderful! looks like your making some real progress with the rocks" They smiled, took a breath and got back into it.

Orlando said "Where are their parents?" I told him that when you get old enough you can go exploring by yourself. He was rather impressed.

He then suggested that maybe instead of the park we could find a place at the creek to play. I had always seen this creek as a storm water run off... but originally it was a natural creek. So we explored and now we have found our own secret spot.

We have been down there 4 times already. We have cleaned out any rubbish that was there. Used some clippers to trim the bushes and made a nice spot to sit. We have put stepping stones in good places so that we can get across the creek.

All the time it was right under our noses and we had never seized the opportunity! It is really quite beautiful down there and best of all I get to sit in the warm winter sun while the kids play, explore, create, engage.

Many more a trips we will have to our secret spot... we may even bring a friend one time... or when they are big enough... leave me at home!!

Lady Bird Lady Bird, Fly away Home...

Something Australia is very good at is hot and dry. As we also pride ourselves on the amount of beautiful bush we have, bush fires are inevitable. So much so that many or Australia's native flora have grown to be bush fire dependent for reproduction.

In the past few years the effects of these fires have been devastating to many communities. We love the bush and so we build our homes in it. Then when a natural fire comes through we get burnt.

Our awareness and strategies to deal with these events are growing. Today we have been told that the fast, hot 60km/h winds and the 39 degree temperatures are 'Catastrophic'. Everyone is on high alert. I have friends not at home (in bush) today, just to be on the safe side. The Rural fire service has a map littered with fires. The reality of it all is rather sobering.

In these, and other natural disaster, (which we seem to be experiencing a lot of) situations, I always ponder how much to share with the kids. We don't watch the news in our house very often. Nath reads it on the net and I find it depressing, so remain blissfully ignorant. I have a few friends who shield their children from it and others who have the telly and news on constantly so their kids are inundated with it.

My eldest and I have had some conversations about it, following him seeing a car be washed down a flooding river and hearing at Pre-School of a tornado. I simply answered his questions the best I could...It went something like this...

"Mum, why had that river flooded?"
"Because it has rained so much that all the water has run off into the river and the river has got too big"
"Will it flood at our house?"
"No, we live up on a hill and there are no big rivers near us"
"What about a tornado? Will a tornado hit our house?"
"I don't think so, they 'usually' happen near a beach and we don't live anywhere near the beach"
"So then what do we get?"
"Well we get bush fires, where the grass and the forests catch on fire, sometimes these can burn houses down as well"


following this we happened upon a bush fire effected forest on one of our bush walks. Orlando had context, he was fascinated and loved exploring the charcoal, drawing with it and breaking it apart.

Yesterday we were watching a news snippet on the current Tasmanian bush fires. Having just come back from visiting many of the places currently effected, Orlando was interested. No questions were asked, I just watched him watch and waited to see if questions would come.

Today he came to me after a painting session with this painting....

I asked him to tell me about it. He said "this is all the grass on fire and the winds that are here today are making it go "woooshhh" and blowing it into big fire balls. This is the brave fireman and he is working really hard to make the fire in control. When it is in control, that's when we are all safe again."

I asked him if he was feeling unsafe. and he replied "I know about bush fires Mum, we don't have any bush very close to our house and I saw the fireman in their truck down the road yesterday,  so I know they are working hard keeping us safe"

enough said... other than THANK YOU to all the fireman that are working tirelessly to keep us as safe as they can... Stay safe everyone!

An Emotional Ending...

Last week, my Beautiful Boy attend his last, ever day at Pre-School. My prediction was that it was going to be a happy affair, and it was, but I was unprepared for just how emotional it would be...

Orlando has been excitedly telling all that will listen that he was going off to 'Big School' next year. He understood what a significant right of passage this was. He bravely went to his kindergarten orientation. He was excited, nervous and full of anticipation. The morning went reasonably well, but Orlando's perception of  'Big School' seemed to change. Not from anything that had happened there, but by the fact that it all became very real that Pre-School was going to come to an end.

We had a week or two of "I don't want to go to Big School" when I realised what was happening. I asked him ... "Is it that you don't want to go to Big School or is it that you don't want to leave Pre-School?" his answer told all. "I don't want to leave George (best friend going to different school), and I don't want to leave Sam and the teachers, and there wont be the 'big shovel' at school and I didn't see any scooters and ..." the list went on.

Orlando has had 3 very beautiful years at an Independent Pre-School with an amazing philosophy.

I remember 3 years ago, my 'big' boy was ready for his first day at Pre-School. He was so ready for something more than home was offering. He had a stimulating week, but he wanted his own experiences, that he could come home and tell me about. His own friends and to be part of a bigger community.

3 years later, Orlando is deeply ingrained in this community and cherishes every day he spends there. He feels safe, nurtured, stimulated and an important teacher of the 'little' kids. He has great friends, wonderful relationships with the teachers and feels successful because he can 'do' most things there.

We have had a number of chats in the last week about the importance of moving on to new challenges and appreciating the experiences you have had, while being open to new ones. We have stressed the fact that, as you become an 'expert' at something,  and have taught it to someone else it is time to move forward. That goodbyes can be hard, but that is because you heart has lots of love for what you are saying goodbye to.

We asked Orlando to come to a special dinner with us to celebrate his achievement in finishing Pre-School and have been talking with great excitement about the new adventures and possibilities ahead.

His last day came and I could see he was feeling a little internal as we arrived. He happily got involved and went about his day. At pick up time, he collected his bag and hovered a little. I reminded him that this was the time to say goodbye and he ran to each of his teachers and gave them a heartfelt squeeze. He then found his good friend and gave him one of the most open-hearted, loving cuddles I have seen. He was then satisfied, took a deep breath (as if taking it all in for the last time) and was ready to go.

I on the other hand, who had thought I would be cool and calm (these are also my work colleagues and Matilda is coming to Pre-School next year) was a blubbering mess! I was looking at my big boy and seeing what an amazing journey he has been on. How far he has come and what a beautiful and strong foundation he has had to build his future educational experiences from.

I am so greatful and thankful to his Pre-School for taking my baby and giving me back a thoughtful, inquisitive and adventrous boy.

Beautiful Butterfly Party

Last week my baby girl turned 3! No more babies in this house! As I have said before, our party philosophy is a big party bi-annually and every other year has a small celebration with family and 1 or 2 special friends. This makes it sustainable for elaborate party planners such as myself, and we also feel it demonstrates to the children that your party doesn't have to have 100 people at it for you to celebrate.

Excitedly awaiting the guests arrival...

Our children are responsible for a lot of the party planning and have a great sense of pride over the party when it is complete. This year Matilda choose a Butterfly Party. Her description was a "butterfly party and a butterfly cake with a princess and lots of butterflies everywhere. I want the party food to be watermelon and chocolate strawberries". EASY!! YAY!! My mind goes in to overdrive and the Butterfly Party takes shape. This year I invested in (and fell in love with) a butterfly paper stamp.... what fun you can have! How creative you can be!

So here it is..... Matilda's Beautiful Butterfly Party....

The Decorations
- White paper lanterns with tissue paper butterflies glued to the outside (very pretty in the breeze)

- Strings of butterflies made out of scrap booking card, hot glued along kitchen twine 









- Card butterflies on twisty straws
















The Cake
I had my first go at doing a 2 tiered cake, and once again really enjoyed the creativity that White Icing allows!




The Party Bags
I always have fun creating the party bags and so do the kids. We have a chat about what their friends might like as a thank you for coming to celebrate their birthday. There is always much excitement creating them. With this amount of thought and ownership, the kids then have a sense of pride as they excitedly present their friends with the gift. 

This year inside the party bags was: butterfly stickers, bubbles, balloons, glittery pencil, sparkly pen, a little chocolate, a lolly pop, a tiny glass jar with fairy glitter in it, and a few butterflies. 

Each of the guests also got to take home a set of butterfly wings, wands and headband. I got these from a bulk supplier and it was just lovely everyone being able to don a pair of wings and get in the mood :)


The Activities
Well having butterflies as the umbrella theme made this section of the planning rather easy! We don't do party games, particularly at this age. I want to enjoy the party to, not just be there as an 'entertainer'. So while at the party we: 


- Had pink sparkle play-dough with pipe cleaners and googly eyes



- Collaged big butterflies



- Made button and crepe paper flowers


- Made 'drifty' tissue paper butterflies



- Had water play, with plastic butterflies and real gerbras


- Had a wealth of dress ups, and,


- our usual cubby and sandpit, which is always a hit.










The Food
As requested we had the watermelon and chocolate strawberries that Matilda wanted, but we also put a butterfly spin on a few other choices. butterfly gingerbread, flower quiches etc... all a bit of fun :) 




















The Wind Down
The party went really well. The kids had a nice time and I think the adults did also. It was a VERY hot day but we survived and the party was lucky enough to be blessed by a few real butterflies who came to visit our garden during the party.


I always like that time in a party when the hype dies down and everyone relaxes into a spot or a game and really gets to spend some time with each other. 

So much fun! I love organising kids parties, the possibilities are endless!

Friends for Life

Relationships seem to be the lens that I am looking at the world through at the moment. So I am going to continue the theme and share with you my thoughts about siblings.

A few months ago I found myself saying to Orlando "you need to learn how to be Matilda's friend. She is the friend that you will always have, she doesn't go away..." this got me thinking about the importance of siblings.

As young children, we originally don't really care who we play with. Our play is mostly solitary or parallel.

 We then learn to develop friendships, but we often change our friendships as often as we change our underwear! It all depends on who is playing the game you want to play or explore what you want to be exploring.

As we grow, many of us find a special or "best" friend, or three, whom we play with most of the time. There are rules to games that are revisited over and over again. Everyone takes on roles within the relationship and we all play these roles. These friendships are strong, but not often strong enough to withstand some one moving, changing school etc.

High School is often the time that we start to develop friendships that last. I know I as an adult still have friends I met at high school.

Long term relationships/friendships take a lot of work! You need to learn how to:
- listen to each other
- know and celebrate each others differences
- support each other
- protect each other
- share the leadership role
- negotiate on decisions
- respect each others decisions
- be empathic of each other
- respect each others right to make their own decisions

Through  my observations, it seems that the person you get to learn all of this from and get to experiment with is your sibling!!!!

They are one of the first people who you have (that isn't an adult) to work all of this out with. They are going to be in your life for a long time and it is important to work on this relationship right from the beginning!!

I think this is part of the importance of sibling rivalry. We are fine tuning the relationship tools we are going to use for the rest of our lives and our poor sibling are our experimental puppies!! This obviously works  two ways. The older sibling is the one to try most of it on first, as they are hopefully at a more advanced level of social development.

To begin with they get to learn about what power feels like and what it is like to control others and to be the boss. When this goes too far or goes wrong, they learn about the boundaries of bossiness. How to look after a care for a younger sibling and how to fix a problem when you go too far.

From a younger siblings perspective, they get bossed around a lot. From this they learn how to say... "no, that's not ok with me" they become more assertive and learn to stand up for them selves. They learn how to express them selves in a way that means they can be heard over their older sibling.

As the younger sibling becomes more vocal and assertive, the older sibling receives a new set of skills. How to listen, take others thoughts and wishes into consideration. How to negotiate how a game is going to go. If you don't, then you're likely going to be left with no one to play with!

The younger sibling then learns what it feels like to be listened to and have power. They then need to learn how to use this power for good, not evil or all hell breaks loose. To sustain a friend to play with this power play needs to be kept in check, from both parties.

This, I think, is the underlying understanding of the whole process. Our sibling is the person with whom we learn about power, and the effects our use of power has on a relationship. I know this is where the main fights and atrocities happened between my sister and I. This is also the main area of conflict between my two 'angels'.

This is all only able to develop in a positive manner though support. Kids and siblings need to be able to work things out for them selves.... Yes, BUT, they also need the support of a more competent 'relationship-er' to assist them with the skills that they need. To be the reflective party, the new ideas person, the mediator.

Through supporting our kids to have a wonderful relationship with their sibling/s, I hope we are empowering them with the skills they need to have many rich, satisfying and rewarding relationships through out their lives.

During our time away, we have had ample opportunities to assist the kids with this process. In 5 intensive weeks, we have seen such an amazing difference in the way they work together. There are no other kids to play with, no other friends to get that playing satisfaction with. If you want to play with other kids then your sibling is the only choice you have... This is great motivation to make the relationship work.

Orlando and Matilda have developed a wonderful friendship. The fighting is to a minimum and usually when everyone is tired and skills fly out the window. Other wise they spend all day immersed deep in imaginative play. Such adventures they have! We often have to search to find where they have got to, together they feel safe and secure and so often travel a little too far. Often we look for them and find them in the grass, having a cuddle and chatting about some idea or another. Makes my heart sing :)


I hope that this intense experience and having us around as referees when they have needed it, will support them to continue this wonderful relationship when they get home and hopefully for many years to come!


POST NOTE: I wrote this a few weeks ago but haven't had internet to post it and wanted to add a little Tilly quote: Orlando had found a little boy to play with at camp and was wonderfully immersed. Tilly was wondering aimlessly calling "Orlando! Orlando! Where's my Orlando!" I had a chat with her about where he was and she said "But I love my Orlando and I need him back.... Orlando! I need my Orlando!"