Watching Life from Afar...

Sometimes I catch myself, watching life go by. Not as a participant but as an observer. It is like I am going through the motions participating in the routines, physically. Mentally I am somewhere else, no where in particular, but not there.

 I become aware of this removed perspective and often get a bit of a shock. How can we move though the motions, making decisions, and interact with others while not really being there, not really participating in our own lives.

Sometimes I find myself observing myself in social interactions, like I am sitting at the next table. Such a strange sensation... brains are so complex.

I am not sure yet as to why this happens, but I know it isn't a positive thing. My prediction is that it happens when life is too fast. I think we all have a limit as to how much we can process at once. When my overload point comes, I think I must retract, go else where, shut down and escape. Only mentally, physically I am still doing all the things that I need to do.

I had a moment yesterday when someone asked me how my day was.... I was taken a back... I wasn't really sure! It was a blur, it was hard to recall what the day had even been and I was still a part of it.

It can be hard to snap out of this mind state. It takes some deep breaths and very conscious decisions to be present. To be peaceful, slow and deliberate. To re-take control over the speed things are moving.

I find that the more I am inside, working, the more of an observer I become. Wild spaces bring me back into my life. They are my soul food, the place where I don't need to try to be present, I am, no effort needed. Life slows to now in nature... my senses are switched on and I am in my body, in my life.

Nature is my need... Holidays are coming. Time for a deep breath of fresh air on its way...

Holiday Habits

Many parents find school holidays long and draining, I LOVE them. I look forward to them with all my heart. Time to just be, catch up on life, slow down and re-connect.

I have found that over the last year or two we have created some Holiday Habits or rituals. It has meant that everyone still feels like life is full of goodness, while we slow to a calmer pace. These habits don't exclude other things happening, or are they essential elements, more thoughts that influence our weeks together.

I thought with this summer holiday being the longest of the bunch, I might share with you some of our habits and hope it helps you enjoy the last two weeks before the routines and timetables kick back in...

(I've just had the thought that maybe these habits are more my way of 'organising' my down time to feel comfortable.... I'll think more on that...)

Habits... Each holiday we...

- Organise Playdates - particularly with new budding friendships. Where a one-on-one day can really boost the momentum. Holidays also provide the opportunity for extended play, we live a decent drive away from school, so most of our play dates are at friends houses. The holidays are a great time to have people come to us.

- Cook delicious things - Both the kids scour the cookbooks and select their choice (free reign) of something delicious to bake, often something we wouldn't usually cook.


- Excursions - Canberra is FULL of great and often free places to go and visit. The kids put in their choice of the place they want included in their holiday happenings. Sometimes this is a full day journey, others as simple as a favourite park.

- Movies - We look at the up coming movies and treat ourselves to a family movie adventure (Dad usually takes a long lunch on this day)

- Art Projects - Although we do a lot of art exploration most days, in the holidays each of the kids picks a special art project to work on. One holiday it was a mosaic, this holiday it has been beading, others a canvas for their room. 

- Gardening - Again something we do often, but this is often the time that we get into a garden project together. A new garden bed, the re-visioning of an old bed, a new playspace etc.


- Going Bush - My favourite :) We make a day a week (if not more) to spend in the bush, by the river, find a beach, go for a bush walk, anywhere as long as it is outside and there is space to explore and play.
These habits keep our holidays pretty full. They also give the kids a sense of ownership on their down time. Some control, but also provide many rich opportunities for me to be deeply engaged with the kids and give them my full attention. Which I believe is worth all the money in the world.

There is also the delicious long mornings and realising it is lunch and we are all still in our PJ's :)

What do you embrace in the holidays? Has your family formed any rituals? Please share!

Stoic...

This morning Matilda had her 4yr old immunisations. It is never fun for the kids or for the adults. I particularly hate it when they get older as they look at you with these eyes saying "Why are you letting them hurt me like this?" I must say I am often feeling "Why am I letting them hurt you like this!"

As with everything else, we are very honest with the kids about what's happening. A week or two ago I told Tilly about the appointment and she wasn't too fussed. Once it was upon us, she seemed a little excited, and I was thinking "Gee have I explained this properly?"

We went in and the nurse asked her if she knew what we were doing and Tilly confidently said "Yes, your going to put needles in my arms and it will hurt but go away quickly."

Everyone was set to go...

I have noticed with Matilda that she often selects just how much emotion she want to share. She will either be out there with it or she will hold it in. This is quite a contrast from her big brother who wears his emotion on his sleeve. There is never any doubt as to how Orlando is feeling, it's written all over his face, and bellowing into our ear drums.

I know that when Tilly and I butt heads over something, she gives me this look like "you can't break me... I am actually finding this quite amusing"  Where as if she is squabbling with Orlando she will dramatically cry until she has received what she deems to be enough attention from it. 

Today, when it really did hurt she held her breath, clenched her teeth and didn't show a tear. In between sides she hid her face in my chest and did it all again. Not a sound, not a tear.

We waited our mandatory 15 mins in the waiting room in which she was quiet, stiff and close to motionless in her chair. When it was time, we hopped into the car and I took off the band-aids. This was the straw that broke the camels back... the sobs flowed, the crying, the "OUCH it Hurt!" the deep need for Mumma and snuggles. She had held it all in, until the privacy of our car.

When I relayed this message to Nath, he said "Just like her mum" and it got me thinking...


Where have Tilly and I got the perception that we need to be strong, stoic, stubborn and not show others how deeply we are feeling? Why do we both wait for the safety of our loved ones to show the true depth of our pain/anger/happiness? Where did we learn about this mask?

I love that children teach us so much about ourselves, but I am also very aware about how much of ourselves we teach our children...

Wilson's Prom

Well our 2nd stop is to the most southerly point of Victoria and the Australian mainland. It was a LONG drive to get here... With all of our stops and slower going,  it ended up taking us 10 hrs!!! Which is a LONG DAY and needless to say we were all very over it by the time we arrived!

It was dark and wet when we arrived, but pleasantly we were greeted by some friendly Wombats who are rather a little too tame.

We set up in a break in the rain, whipped up a quick omelet for dinner, and relaxed in our first shower in 4 days. Even the kids were relieved to be having a wash!

The next morning we woke to find the sun shining, and a beautiful and very wild place. I didn't realize there were mountains on 'the Prom' as its called.

There is beautiful mix of beach, tidal rivers, rainforest and mountains with rocky granite outcrops. What more could you ask for!!

  This is the first place in Australia that I have found where I feel like "gee this is different!" there a birds I haven't come across before. So much so that Ollie and I have taken to creating names for the interesting things we are finding.




We have:

 The "Lipstick Birds" which we have now discovered are really called the Pacific Gull

"Rainbow Rocks" which is just how the granite boulders look after years of 'watering'







"Gnarly Trees" - which I am fascinated with! They are so twisted and textured! I want to sculpt them in clay!

I think if the last camp was the 'Camp of Transitions' then this camp would have to be called the 'Camp of Tantrums and Together-ness'! We have all (particularly Tilly and Myself) had a number of tantrums in the last few days. We are all in very close proximity together and we have all spent a lot of time thinking about how this trip would go/be. So we have reached that point of saying ... "Okay, let's talk about our expectations, get on the same page, work out the little things that are ticking us off and get on with our trip" this has been done rather successfully. All 4 of us are talking more and respecting each other a little more. We have also has some really close and very together family moments. The ones where you take a deep breath and say "Ahhh, this is my family and this is what it is all about..."


I also feel that I underestimated what an upheaval this would be for the kids. I know how much they will get out of it, but I can see that at different times they are both letting me know that this is all a bit different and they just want some familiarity. They both are still very excited about different aspects of the trip, but their routine is different and Ollie in particular needs to know what's happening and what is coming next or he is rather disoriented. Tilly isn't sleeping so well and that makes both her and I rather frazzled, particularly as she has always been such a champion sleeper. The kids are learning that each day is different and there isn't really a routine to follow, so go with the flow!


Mum and Ian came to stay for 2 nights while we were here and that was lovely. Nice for everyone, but particularly for the kids who drank their Grandma up like an ice cold chocolate milk shake. I think we will have a few days of withdrawals, but I'm hoping the long awaited Puffing Billy will assist in this transition :)









Overall, Wilson's Prom is a stunning place and I feel sad in leaving it... I don't feel that my time with this special place is finished... There is a lot more to see, a d I look forward to spending a lot more time here in the future.

Feeding Fussy Eaters

Both my bubs were easy to feed as babies. They were never picky, pretty happy to eat what ever was served and even had a few curious loves like olives, gherkins and blue cheese.

Having been a teacher for a number of years before I became a Mum, I had developed quite strong theories about children and food. As with most things in motherhood, I have had to mould and adapt those theories through experience.

Before motherhood I would say that -  "Fussy eaters were created by their parents. Children have a strong life force and won't let them selves starve. When they get hungry they will eat what is being offered. If parents give in then they are letting their children develop fussy habits"

Then while quite pregnant with my first bub Orlando, I taught a child that simply refused to eat - he once tried some watermelon after MUCH hard work convincing him that it was delicious. On tasting it he started to gag and threw up. This child obviously has some huge food issues in his life, but it got me thinking.... how am I going to deal with a child if they simply wont eat?

So I did some research into how to avoid this from the beginning and instead create healthy food habits in children. We have a very varied diet and I breast feed my babies, so right from the beginning they were having a variety of tastes. They moved on to solids easily, savoury veg first, and once established we introduced sweeter fruits. As we went we increased herbs and spices, even chilli and the kids were happy to eat it all. We were feeling good about the food habits we were creating and like we were off to a great start.

When both my kids hit around 2 or 2 1/2 their food preferences changed. With their increasing independence, food intake was no longer something I was going to be making decisions about... they wanted control of it. They worked out quickly that them not eating what I had prepared was a sure-fire way to get a reaction out of Mum. 

I did some more research and happened upon a workshop that looked at kids and food. I was feeling torn between keeping to my theory (not letting the kids develop into fussy eaters), and being unhappy with what they were eating. Matilda is currently on a self-imposed dairy, meat and sweet diet. She is as strong willed as I am and will not negotiate any other food. I continue to serve it and she continues to pick out the protein and eat only that.

Through my research I discovered a few things that aided my understanding of the way children (particularly toddlers) eat -

* Instinctively children are drawn to sweet rather than savoury/bitter/sour, as in the wild, sweet foods are usually safe to eat. The others can be poisonous if the wrong foods are picked.

* Also in wild times, if food was scarce, it is instinctive to focus your food gathering, and eating on proteins. As it would sustain you and leave you feeling fuller for longer. The vegetables came a measly second.

* Children under 3 have a great level of calorific control. This is balanced over a 72 Hr period (not 24 like an adults) so they may have 1 day where they eat lots and then eat very little for the following 2 days.

This last fact provided me with much contemplation.... If we are born with an instinct and ability to control our calories, then how do we loose this? Adults managing their weight spend huge amounts of time trying to control their calorific intake, so where did this instinct go? Perhaps it disappears when we are trained to "Finish our dinner", "Eat or we will get hungry", and "Clean the plate or we wont get any desert"....

So... how do I get children who refuse to eat vegetables to eat them? How do I ensure they are eating everything they need for a balanced diet?

Well I use a mixture of techniques:

- The kids get to help plan our fortnightly menu. They both pick 2 or 3 dinners each that they really enjoy. We pick the rest and use these to justify why some of the meals are less "kid friendly".

- We choose what's served - they choose what to eat... If I am happy with all of the choices out, then if they pick and choose it shouldn't matter too much.

- The kids help us in the veggie garden. They plant, grow and harvest all the vegetables with great enthusiasm.

- The kids helps us cut and cook the vegetables. A little raw tasting is always done and usually preferred to the cooked bits.

- What's for dinner is what's for dinner... there is no alternative.... if you choose not to eat it then you go hungry.

- We talk at dinner about the good things the food is giving our bodies. This carrot is going to help my eyes see well, and this spinach is going to help me be strong, this chicken will help my muscles grow and this rice will give me energy. (Orlando at 5 now eats a wide variety of things he didn't used to, to give his body what it needs)

- We don't bribe with desert.

- We talk about eating a rainbow - all the different coloured foods give our bodies different essential ingredients.

- and then just to make sure all is covered...  I hide vegetables....  (a very highly debated practise...I hide them but I also have them in the dinner so the kids have the opportunity to eat them and know that they are there). I grate carrot, zucchini and pumpkin into many sauces and dinners.

Here is a recipe from Jude Blereau's book Wholefoods for Children that we have been using a bit recently...

Garden Vegetable Tomato Sauce

Makes 4-5 Cups

This is a brilliant base for many meals - it's great to have in the freezer

2 t butter, ghee or olive oil

1/2 onion, finely chopped

1-2 garlic cloves, finely chopped

1 celery stalk, finely diced

1 carrot, finely diced

1 sml/med zucchini, finely diced

1 sml piece of pumpkin, peeled, seeded and finely diced

handful of fresh herbs, including basil, oregano, and marjoram - all or any,  roughly chopped

1 t dulse flakes

800g tinned tomatoes

1/4- 1/2 t apple juice concentrate (optional)

Melt butter in a heavy-based saucepan over medium heat. Add onions, garlic, celery, carrot and a pinch of sea salt, and cook for 10 minutes or until soft and lightly coloured (you are not frying, just developing a little flavour).

Add the zucchini, pumpkin, herbs, dulse flakes and tinned tomatoes. Add 60 ml or water (or stock) to the empty tomato tins, swish around and empty into pot. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 20-30 minutes or until vegetables are soft.

Check the flavour and adjust - you might like to add a little freshly ground black pepper or the apple juice concentrate, but the pumpkin should have balanced out the acidity of the tomatoes.

Serve as is or blend in the food processor, thinning out with stock as required.

This looks just like a tomato pasta sauce. The texture is a little different but my kids have not discovered the veg and happily eat it. 

Do you find your self hiding the odd vegetable? Any good recipes to share with the rest of us?

Addiction to Control?.... Addiction to Balance

There have been times on and off in my life when I have been told that I am addicted to being in control. It has never really sat well with me and in the last few days I have been on a bit of a roller coaster and have had the opportunity to observe the way my mind works.

I have my world very well organised and when everything goes to plan it works beautifully! When it doesn't (which with life and  beautiful children it very often doesn't) I often feel rather lost and like I am simply treading water until I can find my feet again. I fit a lot into our week, pack it full to get everything done. One one hand I enjoy this as I love being busy but on the other hand I never feel like I have time to do all the things that I want to do. I can never take the slow lane, although every cell in my body is telling me to move over and get into that slow lane!

We are on School Holidays at the moment and my plan for these holidays have been to just be with the kids. Not pack too much in, but to enjoy some real time with the kids. This I am doing. But I also wanted to get on top of all the bits that have been unorganised - house, washing, sewing, baking, garden etc etc. Many of these can be done together as a family and we really enjoy this time together. Being a teacher I work to the termly routine as the children do and I really value the holidays as an opportunity to clean the slate, tidy everything away and get ready for new inspiration and direction in the new term.

So although I am enjoying spending time with my beautiful children and planning an exciting 5th birthday party, I am not on top of all the other things I wanted to have happening. This little seed of knowledge is enough to throw my world (I know a little dramatic but that is what I have noticed). As soon as my brain feels unbalanced in its activities it goes into stress mode. This effects everything, I start to get flustered, snap, speed, and loose things (which of course makes things all worse) and this reaction from me starts a chain reaction from the all those around me. The kids quarrel, the amount that they 'need mumma' increases and it all perpetuates into me feeling completely over-run and just wanting to walk away from everybody and hide my head in the sand. I have had a couple of days in this mayhem and today reminded myself to make a different choice...

I had popped down to the shops for 2 items, a VERY quick visit. I grabbed the 2 kids out of the car and on the walk over to the shops realised that I hadn't scanned the kids as we left the house and really we all needed a wash and a hair brush. I grabbed the first item and went to pay - realising that for the 2nd day in a row I didn't have any cash or card and I had no idea where my card was... back to the car... cant find it so off to the bank..... Tilly wets her pants in the middle of the bank.... off to the toilet.... nope she has pooed her pants also..... no bags, bin the undies, back to the bank, back to the shop, first item brought... - see my point, when I am not organised I get into a chaotic mess.

So as I went to get my second item and heard myself become that horrible banshee mother "stop touching the shelves, quiet voice, come her, give people space,......." I stopped myself...

I held the kids hands took a deep breath and decided to change my reactions. Forget the mayhem and go home and enjoy my children. As I made this choice is was like the road cleared ahead of me, the item I needed was right there, the line at the shop cleared and we all calmed.

We got home, and played together, ate together and enjoyed each others company. As we did I was able to get the weeding done, clean some of the house and feed us a nourishing lunch.

I always know but forget to implement a motto of mine -

"It's not what you're looking at, It's where you're looking from"

When I remember to look at things through a calm, centred and present set of eyes, everything has a way of balancing itself out and my world feels right again to me. It is not how much I have done, what I am doing, achieving, or not doing that effects this sense of balance it is my perception of it.

So I think it is Balance I am addicted to not control. I need my world to feel a sense of balance and this comes from me being centred and looking at the world in a centred way...

Time to keep practising :)