Authentic Writing Practise for Children

We have been blessed that Orlando was innately motivated to learn how to read. His passion for discovering how the world works was all that was needed for him to see purpose in picking up a book and figuring out what all those symbols meant. We could not be happier with his progress. He is reading far beyond his years and has a deep passion for books. What more could we want. (I wrote a little about learning to read here.)

BUT, when it comes to writing it is a different story. He can write. His spelling is age appropriate, but his handwriting is sloppy and messy. He is challenged by writing and so writes as few words as is acceptable. This often results in texts that need much interpretation as we are unsure what it is about... not enough written to create full sentences.

There are a plethora of ideas around to encourage children to write. Shopping lists, stories, letters. We have done them all, with pleasure, but they are short lived. We wrote letters to everyone we knew, but only got one back... a month later.This is not motivating and doesn't provide regular practice. So I started wondering... how can I provide authentic and exciting writing practice, motivating writing...

EMAIL!! I have signed Orlando up for his own email address. Together we have typed letters to a variety or friends and family. Then we waited... within a day we had 3 emails back!! Orlando wanted to type back instantly!

In the first instance I typed while he dictated, then he typed while I was close by. We discussed spelling, sentence structure, punctuation, and completing ideas. This has now progressed further to him typing the emails independently and then coming to me at the end. He is reading them aloud, and doing the first 'edit' himself, seeing where it doesn't make sense. Then I am assisting him with finer details.

Motivation is high and the quick responses are motivating and very satisfying. Even in 2 weeks his sentence structure is improving.

His handwriting is the next challenge... but more on that later.

Pocket Money

Boy, can I tell my kids aren't babies any more when I start being asked about pocket money!

Orlando (nearly 7) said the other day "If I help you with this dish washer, maybe you could give me some pocket money and I could buy this Lego Boat I want from the shops..."

I had a stirring of some very conflicting thoughts and emotions...

I asked him... "How does pocket money work?"

O - "Well I help you with jobs around the house and then you give me some money to buy things that I want to buy."

Me - "Oh that sounds nice... so can I have pocket money for the jobs that I do around the house?"

O - "But you already have money, I only have the money I get from my teeth" (there are a lot falling out at the moment)

This got me thinking... my kids rarely ask for things from the shop. They don't nag, so when they see something really special, I ask them to tell me about why it is so important to them and then I would usually buy it for them. But Orlando hadn't asked me to buy it. He wanted to buy it, with his own money.

This isn't something I wanted to overlook, to me it is an indication that he is wanting to take responsibility for some things, to feel a bit more grown up. 

A few years ago we had agreed to swap money for jobs - he chose 4 jobs that he would do each day and got an agreed amount of money at the end of the week. He would choose things like putting everyone's bed side lamps on at dusk and setting the table etc. It never felt right. I thought he should be doing these things anyway and I felt like I was bribing him with money.

It got me thinking about how we could make this work in an authentic and meaningful way. I like the idea of both the kids being able to have some say in what we buy. To want something enough to save up for it. To get some supported experience in how to use money. 

I went back to my tried and true thought ... "How does it work in the adult world?"

Well I get an allowance from the family budget, as does Nath. The kids don't get one, it is sort of combined with mine, as I usually spend all of mine on them anyway.

We get this allowance whether or not we got our 'jobs' done at home. If the house is messy and the washing un-done, I still get my allowance. I feel conscious of not pulling my weight but I still get it.

This made me think... I am a responsible and considerate member of a family. We work together as a unit. As a respected member of this family, I get an allowance. I also respect the other members of my family enough to participate in the running of the household. 

This could work just as well with the kids. They are also respected members of our family, and thus deserve to have an allowance each week, that they can make decisions about. 

They also need, as respectful and considerate members of this family, to contribute to the running of the house hold. If they don't then we deal with that... as a separate issue, not linked to the money at all. 

This feels SO much better to me, and seems, thus far, to be working. I'll let you know in a year when we've given it a good run!!

A New Chapter in Life...

The last 9 months have been very interesting to me. I didn't really realise how interesting until I have paused and reflected. 

9 Months ago Matilda (my youngest) turned 3. This was not out of the ordinary in itself, but as many of my friends embarked upon or worked their way through their 3rd and sometimes 4th children we made the radical decision to stop at 2.

So I watched on while others went back to nappies, sleepless nights and breastfeeding. I snuggled their babies and breathed deeply as I smelt that newborn infant smell. It was all very lovely but I became aware that something was very different in me now. I no longer yearned for these babies. I felt very satisfied with my own 2 beautiful children. No more were needed.

So as the busy life of babes continued on I noticed that I was now moving at a different pace. I wasn't breastfeeding any more, I had no more nappies to change, both my children sleep through the night (most of the time anyway :)). Orlando started school, Matilda started Pre-School. My baby years were done... what was next?

As soon as I had asked this question, the universe provided me an answer. I was asked if I would be willing to do some more study in my role at work. It was left field, an area I LOVED in my recreational life but I had never considered making it a profession. It was physical and challenging and going to need me to commit a lot of time... most of my weekends... I have challenged myself mentally and intellectually a lot in my life, but physical challenges I have always shied away from.

But I had asked the question and the answer was here. So I agreed to embark on 12 months full time study, on top of my 3 days a week work and being a Mum of 2 delicious children... and here I was thinking I was moving at a slower pace! I was creating a new job for myself. I hadn't felt I could commit back to teaching full time post kids, I needed to find a new angle and here it was. I have a strong commitment and belief in the importance of children having a deep connection to and engagement with the outdoor world. Now I was skill-ing myself up to lead them into the wilderness on many an adventure... and to get paid for it!

I knew it would be an intense year and so far it has not let me down. But this intensity has brought new perspectives that I am finding really interesting. 

My kids are growing up and they need me less. I'm less just Mum and can re-find/define who I am. Nathan, Orlando and Matilda have created a deeper relationship. Nathan could win father of the year this year, he has stepped into the parenting limelight and is doing it all while working full time. Ollie and Tilly have remembered that Nath can meet their needs, just as well as I can.

This has provided me space and some autonomy. I miss everyone while I am away, or busy with my head in the computer. But I also LOVE that I am away on adventures, with other adults challenging myself, extending myself.

A new chapter has begun. So far it's a roller coaster but I am telling myself that next year will be calmer, next year will be the launch, this year is the crazy preparation.

So I guess my new baby is me! My focus is on myself... and it hasn't been there for over 6 years so it feels really good to have some time to grow and develop me!

I Miss You!

I find being a Mum often provides me with points to reflect upon. This past 2 weeks has been an interesting turning point for me. 

I love being a Mum, but there a often times that I, (and I think many others) yearn for who I was before I had children. You transform a part of yourself when you become a Mum. Life changes, and I often find myself dreaming about when I used to have time and mental space for... movies, coffee with friends, work without distractions - even a trip to the toilet uninterrupted! I miss me! or the pre-mum me anyway!

With the new school year nearly upon us, I have had a lot of work on. So instead of shipping the kids from one place to another, they had their first 'holiday' away at their Nan and Pops. Boy were they excited... 8 days without Mum and Dad! 8 days of adventure with Nan! We had the plan of retreat if it was too long away. Not only were the kids excited but us too! 8 days kid free! 8 days to just think of ourselves! Eat when we want, go to the movies, go rock climbing together, gym when we need - not when is convenient in the tag team regime. I also had a lot of hours to put in at work, but even the concept of going to work without the kids and being able to work as long as I needed was exciting.

As we drove away from dropping the kids off, the car was very quiet. I felt excited but slightly nervous also... I was going to miss the kids!

After a day of quiet adjustment we started making the most of our time. 2 movies and dinners in 3 days! A well overdue bush hike over the weekend and the needed 9/10 hour days at work. Nath and I really enjoyed getting to spend some time together.

We hit day 5 and I realised I was feeling exhausted! I also woke with this sickening feeling of where are my babies I need them back! I was really missing the kids. I got wondering about why I was feeling so tired and then it occurred to me that I had been travelling at a million miles an hour. I told myself that I was just trying to make the most of the time away... but that wasn't it. This is how fast I used to travel ALL THE TIME! This WAS the OLD ME! 

I reminisced on how, when I had Orlando, it took me a few months to slow down. I had to change gears and adopt a slower pace of life. This was the biggest adjustment for me in becoming a mum, and I had sort of forgotten it. 

So now I was again going so fast that, the house was a mess (I was too busy to clean it), my 'food pets' were all in the fridge 'on hold' (I didn't have time to feed them), we were eating take out many nights (I didn't have time to cook) and I had no clothes to wear as I hadn't done any washing (didn't have time for that either!).

I found myself yearning for the routine and order having the kids in the house gave me. The slower pace, allowed me to do all the things I wanted/needed. It allowed me to be the me that felt right... Now I was missing the Mum me!

Through all of this I have realised that as much as it is normal to yearn for a little time to my/our selves, to want to see a movie etc I actually prefer the Mum me to the old me. I am calmer, more focused, more emphatic  more caring, I have more patience (although it is often tested), I am healthier,  I make far more of my own food, and I have two stunningly beautiful children who fill my life with  joy, laughter and overwhelming amounts of love! 

So now my babies are home and we prepare for both of their 'first days' on Monday. This is a year of change in our house hold. New adventures for all of us. I am so pleased that we are a tight and loving family unit, to support each other in all the adventures and challenges the upcoming year has to offer.

(I have also realised that we really need to get some more recent family photos!!)

3 Years Old!

Last week my little Lady turned 3. She has been practicing being 3 for a while and for the past 6 weeks she has been waking up as asking "Is it my Birthday yet?" so to say it was an anticipated birthday would be an understatement!


We struggled to think of what to buy her for her birthday. We already have a wealth of toys and have many '3 year old' toys from when Orlando was 3. We have also just spent 8 weeks on the road with very few toys and have been more than happy. So I was stuck with the consumerism dilemma. Do we buy things for the sake of it? 

We decided to invest in just a few really nice things that were open ended enough to satisfy her for a number of years. She adores Fairies, so we went with a beautiful felt playscape and some needle-felted fairies. Orlando choose a felted mermaid and an apple 'house' with hedgehogs inside. So among a few other books, shoes, puzzle etc it was a very 'felty' birthday!

She adored it, so we were rather happy about that :)




Now that Matilda is 3 we have noticed she:
- Is toilet trained - day and night
- Is rather chatty and enjoys re-telling events and stories
- Is practicing 'reading' her favourite books to anyone who will listen and then demanding them read to her in return
- Is demonstrating her ever growing Independence - I want to brush my own hair, teeth, etc
- Gets herself dressed most of the time
- Is VERY social and really focuses on her 'friends'
- Is very eager to label people that are and are not her friends
- Enjoys a feeling of power and will seek it where possible
- Can easily establish who is going to be more lenient toward her every whim
- Knows how to push her brothers buttons perfectly
- Is kind and developing a deep sense of empathy
- Asks questions about the world and is keen to understand how it works
- Loves drawing and painting and talking about what she is creating
- Is patient and will wait when needed
- Adores a cuddle

Tillies Birthday Activity of choice was Swimming with Friends :)

- Wants to now how to use ALL technology and experiments regularly
- Loves swimming and looking under the water
- Has a great sense of humour
- Has a calm a peace that is very settling
- is very excited about starting Preschool in January!

What will our year ahead hold! I adore watching you grow and develop little lady xoxoxoxox

Friends for Life

Relationships seem to be the lens that I am looking at the world through at the moment. So I am going to continue the theme and share with you my thoughts about siblings.

A few months ago I found myself saying to Orlando "you need to learn how to be Matilda's friend. She is the friend that you will always have, she doesn't go away..." this got me thinking about the importance of siblings.

As young children, we originally don't really care who we play with. Our play is mostly solitary or parallel.

 We then learn to develop friendships, but we often change our friendships as often as we change our underwear! It all depends on who is playing the game you want to play or explore what you want to be exploring.

As we grow, many of us find a special or "best" friend, or three, whom we play with most of the time. There are rules to games that are revisited over and over again. Everyone takes on roles within the relationship and we all play these roles. These friendships are strong, but not often strong enough to withstand some one moving, changing school etc.

High School is often the time that we start to develop friendships that last. I know I as an adult still have friends I met at high school.

Long term relationships/friendships take a lot of work! You need to learn how to:
- listen to each other
- know and celebrate each others differences
- support each other
- protect each other
- share the leadership role
- negotiate on decisions
- respect each others decisions
- be empathic of each other
- respect each others right to make their own decisions

Through  my observations, it seems that the person you get to learn all of this from and get to experiment with is your sibling!!!!

They are one of the first people who you have (that isn't an adult) to work all of this out with. They are going to be in your life for a long time and it is important to work on this relationship right from the beginning!!

I think this is part of the importance of sibling rivalry. We are fine tuning the relationship tools we are going to use for the rest of our lives and our poor sibling are our experimental puppies!! This obviously works  two ways. The older sibling is the one to try most of it on first, as they are hopefully at a more advanced level of social development.

To begin with they get to learn about what power feels like and what it is like to control others and to be the boss. When this goes too far or goes wrong, they learn about the boundaries of bossiness. How to look after a care for a younger sibling and how to fix a problem when you go too far.

From a younger siblings perspective, they get bossed around a lot. From this they learn how to say... "no, that's not ok with me" they become more assertive and learn to stand up for them selves. They learn how to express them selves in a way that means they can be heard over their older sibling.

As the younger sibling becomes more vocal and assertive, the older sibling receives a new set of skills. How to listen, take others thoughts and wishes into consideration. How to negotiate how a game is going to go. If you don't, then you're likely going to be left with no one to play with!

The younger sibling then learns what it feels like to be listened to and have power. They then need to learn how to use this power for good, not evil or all hell breaks loose. To sustain a friend to play with this power play needs to be kept in check, from both parties.

This, I think, is the underlying understanding of the whole process. Our sibling is the person with whom we learn about power, and the effects our use of power has on a relationship. I know this is where the main fights and atrocities happened between my sister and I. This is also the main area of conflict between my two 'angels'.

This is all only able to develop in a positive manner though support. Kids and siblings need to be able to work things out for them selves.... Yes, BUT, they also need the support of a more competent 'relationship-er' to assist them with the skills that they need. To be the reflective party, the new ideas person, the mediator.

Through supporting our kids to have a wonderful relationship with their sibling/s, I hope we are empowering them with the skills they need to have many rich, satisfying and rewarding relationships through out their lives.

During our time away, we have had ample opportunities to assist the kids with this process. In 5 intensive weeks, we have seen such an amazing difference in the way they work together. There are no other kids to play with, no other friends to get that playing satisfaction with. If you want to play with other kids then your sibling is the only choice you have... This is great motivation to make the relationship work.

Orlando and Matilda have developed a wonderful friendship. The fighting is to a minimum and usually when everyone is tired and skills fly out the window. Other wise they spend all day immersed deep in imaginative play. Such adventures they have! We often have to search to find where they have got to, together they feel safe and secure and so often travel a little too far. Often we look for them and find them in the grass, having a cuddle and chatting about some idea or another. Makes my heart sing :)


I hope that this intense experience and having us around as referees when they have needed it, will support them to continue this wonderful relationship when they get home and hopefully for many years to come!


POST NOTE: I wrote this a few weeks ago but haven't had internet to post it and wanted to add a little Tilly quote: Orlando had found a little boy to play with at camp and was wonderfully immersed. Tilly was wondering aimlessly calling "Orlando! Orlando! Where's my Orlando!" I had a chat with her about where he was and she said "But I love my Orlando and I need him back.... Orlando! I need my Orlando!"

The Secret Art of Reading

Being a Kindergarten teacher for many years, I have been asked so often about how children learn to read. I think it really depends on the individual child BUT, at the moment Orlando is very keen to read everything that he sees. It has got me thinking and reflecting and I wanted to share a few of these thoughts.


 
This is by no means a "how to teach your child to read.." passage, just some reflections and ideas I thought I would share.

Just before leaving on our holiday, I was reading a very old and very outdated book on children's literacy. It was "On learning to read: the child's fascination with meaning" by Bruno Bettelheim. Now this chap had a lot of twisted ideas and blamed mothers for everything BUT he had a few points that got me thinking...

He was discussing how in the olden days (even old when he was writing it, so were talking WAY BACK) the book that was most commonly read was the Bible. Most people were illiterate and those who did know how to read were seen to know the 'secrets' and wisdom that was contained in the Bible. Those who could read were able to access the mysteries! This was a great motivation for people to learn to read, as they could then be able to access what other were.


When we then think about writing and reading from a child's perspective today... Adults and older peers are able to read. They are able to access the text rich world that we live in, where as younger children rely on the picture to interpret meaning. Many children are eager to learn the secret art of reading so that they too can access the world around them.

The only real way we are going to assist a child to become literate is to give them the passion and motivation to want to become literate. If they don't have the want, there will never be a way... no matter how hard you try.

So, as parents, it is drilled into us (and rightly so) that we must read to our children.  I agree whole heartedly with this... read, read and read! But read INTERESTING books. Beautiful texts that are rich with melody and rhyme. Texts that are inspiring and leave the child's imagination zooming from one place to another.

These books develop a passion for text, a desire to hear and know all the wonderful stories of the world (any one who knows my children, knows that the fastest way to their heart is to sit and read with them... and it is the adults who have had enough LONG before the children have :))

So at 4/5/6 ish most children who have this passion for books and stories are going to want to start accessing the books independently. They are wanting to read the signs around them and to tell others stories. They now have the passion AND the motivation! PERFECT!!! So what do we give them, to assist them to learn to read? READERS....

Anyone read one lately? OMG how stupid do the writers believe children to be? How could anyone go into writing and write such monotonous crap! "I can run. I can jump. I can swing. I can walk." snore!!!

Then kids sit and think..... WHAT! this is what I've been working up to? This is the secrets I've been waiting to access?

It is not motivating to read this rubbish! There are no secrets discovered from reading it! There is nothing for my imagination to explore! I have learnt nothing.

The only motivating fact is that we as adults create such a fuss over the fact that the child is 'reading' that they believe this is a way to receive praise and attention from adults.

I don't even consider these beginner readers as even reading... the adult assists you to read the title, which is then repeated through EVERY page of the book and you can look at the picture and guess what the other word is.... thats not reading, its parroting and guessing!

And then we wonder why many children have no motivation to read at school? With these readers we are not valuing children's capabilities and intelligence.

I completely acknowledge that there are situations where children need specific skills and knowledge taught to them to assist them to connect the gaps in their understanding. These need to be done on an individual or small group basis as 75% of the children will have worked out what sound an 's' makes without a formal lesson about it.

So as a parent, with a 5 year old who is chomping at the bit to read, is full of motivation and passion and wants to soak up the literate world around him... what am I doing to support his budding literacy?

- We are continuing to read AMAZING stories and chapter books full of adventure!

- We are talking about words. When Orlando asks about what that sign says... I say .. "Why don't you read it! Have a try and I'll help you if you need". He has a try, he finds the sounds he knows, I give him the ones he doesn't, "In this word the 'tion' makes a 'shun' sound"

- In this fashion we read signs everywhere, when in context children can read words far harder than we give them credit for. Particularly at the moment with all of our bush walking, Orlando is reading us all the warnings and directions that we need! and LOVING it.

- When reading interesting picture books together, I ask Orlando to read some of the more simple words, we take turns and share.

- Orlando reads books that he 'knows' to Matilda, whether he gets all the word right or not doesn't matter, he is still getting the satisfaction of 'reading'

I completely acknowledge at this point that I have an intelligent young chap who is keen to learn everything the world has to offer. Many children are not always so keen. Having had many a Kindy over the years, I have had to help numerous students who just "didn't get it". In acknowledging all of this, I still maintain that a passion and motivation to want to learn on the child's part is the most important factor in the whole event. We need to be careful to fuel this passion, not extinguish it by feeding them rubbish!

Let's maintain a sense that the written word is full of secrets, mysteries and delicious information that you just have to get your teeth in to!

The Camp of Transitions

Our first stop on our 8 week camping adventure is in the beautiful Mt Buffalo area.

There has been a lot of excitement leading up to our departure. A lot of anticipated fun and adventure. As soon as we hopped in the car the questions started flowing. Can I...... It took a good 2 hours in the car for both the kids to calm down into a nice flow. No we were not going to draw, sticker, watch movies and listen to audio books simultaneously in the first 2 minutes of our journey. We would get a chance to do all of these things, EVENTUALLY.


Once we pulled into our first camp it was as late as 4:45pm so we needed to set up and gather wood fast before dark and cold fell. It was all hands on deck and the kids were so excited by it all that they wanted to do everything and be everywhere without any consideration for how it was hindering productivity to be under our feet. Their bodies were moving a a million miles an hour and they just couldn't keep still with all the excitement.

The next morning was the same, Ollie was leaping from one end of the caravan to the other with questions like, what's for breakfast, can we have morning tea, where are we going today, can I play lego, where are my boots, lets go fishing! all in a matter of 5 mins at 8am in the morning.






DEEP BREATHS, KEEP CALM, SMALL SPACE-HIGH ENERGY

How about you go outside and start exploring while we get breakfast started?

No you just want to stay in this small van with all of that energy?

OKAY time to set some new behaviors and routines in place. How is this going to work for us? What do we want to have happening as this is the time to set the expectations.

There is NO television! (Yay!!)

Unless you are sleeping or helping you are outside

Rug up and be warm so that you are successful in your outdoor pursuits

We need to put things away as soon as we are finished with them... A caravan is a very small space if it is packed full of mess

Playing with dials and knobs on our appliances can be very detrimental, if you are playing you should be outside!


NO SHOES in the van, particularly muddy boots!

Clothes will be worn days after day until they are too dirty to wear, then we only replace whats dirty.

Where ever possible, engage kids in all campsite life, wood collecting, fire lighting and maintenance, cooking, cleaning everything.

I need at least 5 mins in the morning, UNDISTURBED to get clean and dressed and make some order. If interrupted I am likely to have a tantrum (already happened twice in as many days :))

We all sat down and had a chat about this and agreed to work together and to be patient as we get used to living in a small space together.


Two days on and the kids are now entertaining them selves, outside most of the time. We are all sleeping well and are starting to slow down a little, not needing to speed around as much. We are getting used to the cold and finding ways to maintain warmth. Our beds a cosy at night which is fantastic. In slowing down everyone, including the kids are less frantic and more present in just being here and experiencing.



We have learnt that setting up our campsite is more than just getting the van up and set. We also need to erect the hammock, get out the bikes, put up the rope swing and make a base for the kids to call home. These camp comforts will give some familiarity throughout our journey and give the kids a safety zone to explore for the time it takes them to suss out a new space and feel comfortable to explore. These camp comforts also give the kids something to focus on while routine times like cooking and cleaning are underway.

We have had a marvelous time at our first camp, but have also learnt a lot in regards to what we will do differently at the next one. We are excited to move on tomorrow to Wilson's Promontory and set up our next home :)