Sometimes I catch myself, watching life go by. Not as a participant but as an observer. It is like I am going through the motions participating in the routines, physically. Mentally I am somewhere else, no where in particular, but not there.
I become aware of this removed perspective and often get a bit of a shock. How can we move though the motions, making decisions, and interact with others while not really being there, not really participating in our own lives.
Sometimes I find myself observing myself in social interactions, like I am sitting at the next table. Such a strange sensation... brains are so complex.
I am not sure yet as to why this happens, but I know it isn't a positive thing. My prediction is that it happens when life is too fast. I think we all have a limit as to how much we can process at once. When my overload point comes, I think I must retract, go else where, shut down and escape. Only mentally, physically I am still doing all the things that I need to do.
I had a moment yesterday when someone asked me how my day was.... I was taken a back... I wasn't really sure! It was a blur, it was hard to recall what the day had even been and I was still a part of it.
It can be hard to snap out of this mind state. It takes some deep breaths and very conscious decisions to be present. To be peaceful, slow and deliberate. To re-take control over the speed things are moving.
I find that the more I am inside, working, the more of an observer I become. Wild spaces bring me back into my life. They are my soul food, the place where I don't need to try to be present, I am, no effort needed. Life slows to now in nature... my senses are switched on and I am in my body, in my life.
Nature is my need... Holidays are coming. Time for a deep breath of fresh air on its way...