Saturday, 2 February 2013

I Miss You!

I find being a Mum often provides me with points to reflect upon. This past 2 weeks has been an interesting turning point for me. 

I love being a Mum, but there a often times that I, (and I think many others) yearn for who I was before I had children. You transform a part of yourself when you become a Mum. Life changes, and I often find myself dreaming about when I used to have time and mental space for... movies, coffee with friends, work without distractions - even a trip to the toilet uninterrupted! I miss me! or the pre-mum me anyway!

With the new school year nearly upon us, I have had a lot of work on. So instead of shipping the kids from one place to another, they had their first 'holiday' away at their Nan and Pops. Boy were they excited... 8 days without Mum and Dad! 8 days of adventure with Nan! We had the plan of retreat if it was too long away. Not only were the kids excited but us too! 8 days kid free! 8 days to just think of ourselves! Eat when we want, go to the movies, go rock climbing together, gym when we need - not when is convenient in the tag team regime. I also had a lot of hours to put in at work, but even the concept of going to work without the kids and being able to work as long as I needed was exciting.

As we drove away from dropping the kids off, the car was very quiet. I felt excited but slightly nervous also... I was going to miss the kids!

After a day of quiet adjustment we started making the most of our time. 2 movies and dinners in 3 days! A well overdue bush hike over the weekend and the needed 9/10 hour days at work. Nath and I really enjoyed getting to spend some time together.

We hit day 5 and I realised I was feeling exhausted! I also woke with this sickening feeling of where are my babies I need them back! I was really missing the kids. I got wondering about why I was feeling so tired and then it occurred to me that I had been travelling at a million miles an hour. I told myself that I was just trying to make the most of the time away... but that wasn't it. This is how fast I used to travel ALL THE TIME! This WAS the OLD ME! 

I reminisced on how, when I had Orlando, it took me a few months to slow down. I had to change gears and adopt a slower pace of life. This was the biggest adjustment for me in becoming a mum, and I had sort of forgotten it. 

So now I was again going so fast that, the house was a mess (I was too busy to clean it), my 'food pets' were all in the fridge 'on hold' (I didn't have time to feed them), we were eating take out many nights (I didn't have time to cook) and I had no clothes to wear as I hadn't done any washing (didn't have time for that either!).

I found myself yearning for the routine and order having the kids in the house gave me. The slower pace, allowed me to do all the things I wanted/needed. It allowed me to be the me that felt right... Now I was missing the Mum me!

Through all of this I have realised that as much as it is normal to yearn for a little time to my/our selves, to want to see a movie etc I actually prefer the Mum me to the old me. I am calmer, more focused, more emphatic  more caring, I have more patience (although it is often tested), I am healthier,  I make far more of my own food, and I have two stunningly beautiful children who fill my life with  joy, laughter and overwhelming amounts of love! 

So now my babies are home and we prepare for both of their 'first days' on Monday. This is a year of change in our house hold. New adventures for all of us. I am so pleased that we are a tight and loving family unit, to support each other in all the adventures and challenges the upcoming year has to offer.

(I have also realised that we really need to get some more recent family photos!!)

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